Throwaway account: Why I'm dropping out of my PhD program in Economics in a couple of days.

# Introduction<br><br>I'm making this throwaway account to avoid burning bridges. I'm a 4th year PhD student in macroeconomics at a top ten program in the United States. I've been struggling the past year with developing the skills and knowledge to complete my PhD. I've spoken to my advisors and other professors and am now trying to leave the program with a masters degree to decide what my next steps are. <br><br>I'd love to share my story in case others have found themselves in a similar situation of feeling lost and alone.<br><br># Why did I originally want to do this?<br><br>This is an important part of the story, as my motivations for becoming an academic researcher have shifted.<br><br>Growing up, I had a lot of issues with my mental health. This made it hard for me to focus on academic work and I found myself drawn to more creative pursuits. However, once I was able to get my mental health issues mostly under control, I found myself able to focus on the schoolwork and do well academically. I had a hard time in high school, but was able to graduate a year early and then go to a top liberal arts college because of it. <br><br>In college, I decided to major in economics because I believed (and still believe) that economics is perhaps the best way to describe the world. I enjoyed reading and taking classes on the subject more than anything else. My passion for economics was further solidified when the COVID-19 pandemic started, and I saw firsthand how important understanding economics is for understanding how governments can respond to different economic phenomena. <br><br>Most of all, I was inspired by academic economists who were taking to social media and the press to give their takes on what was the best course of action. I think my original motivations for becoming an academic economist were based on wanting to be able to influence policy in a similar way. Now, I realize I didn't want to be an academic researcher at all. I wanted to be a policymaker.<br><br># Why am I leaving now?<br><br>The first couple of years of my program were tough but a lot of fun. Then, something switched for me. I stopped finding the work fun and started dreading it. I finally worked up the courage to talk to my advisors and other professors about my struggles and they were all very supportive. They agreed that I can leave with a masters degree and that it's better for me to do so than to take a couple more years to try and produce original research and not get a PhD out of it. <br><br>These conversations made me feel a lot better at first, and then I fell into a deep depression because I realized I had failed at what I had been working towards for years. At first, I felt like I had to start over again from square one, figuring out a new career path that I wanted to pursue. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with someone who used to manage a part of the Trump administration and they suggested I try to get into government work. Reflecting on why I wanted to become an academic economist in the first place, I realized this was probably the right path for me after all. I'm feeling a bit better now, and it doesn't feel like my entire career has been derailed anymore. <br><br>Still, I'm a bit worried about the career prospects of this decision. I had the career and financial stability of being an academic economist laid out. Now, I'm taking a bit of a risk by leaving that path. <br><br># Conclusion<br><br>If you're currently a PhD student in a similar position, please consider reaching out to someone you trust for advice. I wish I had done this sooner. <br><br>I also want to add that if you're an advisor or someone who's in a position where PhD students come to for advice, please be brutally honest with them but also be supportive. I really appreciated that from my advisors.