I’m 24(f) and my husband (27,m) has been using drugs for 9 years. How do I deal with this?

We’ve been together for 2 years and parents for a year, I didn’t know he was a drug addict until he introduced me to drugs 4 months ago. I was so upset when I found out, and I made him take me to the place where he buys drugs, I wanted to see for myself. The first time I met his dealer, he was on meth and clearly high, he was wearing a hospital gown and he said he needed a shower, he gave us the drugs and left, my husband and I did them in his bedroom, I’ll never forget how I felt the first time I did drugs. <br><br>I had a terrible trip and I began to hate myself and my life, I wanted to die, I cried for hours every day and I never wanted to do drugs again. My husband was very supportive and he said he’d never let me do drugs again, he took me home and he told my mom about our drug use and she was so upset. I went back to the dealer’s house a week later with my husband, he was clean and he let us do drugs there, I was so nervous but my husband said he’d be there to support me.<br><br>I had a great trip and I felt so happy, and I decided to do drugs every weekend, I told my husband I wanted to hang out with the dealer because he seemed nice and my husband said ok. We started hanging out together and I told him about a problem I had for years and he’d always give me good advice, and I felt very comfortable with him, I loved hanging out with him and my husband. <br><br>I’ve been hanging out with the dealer alone for months, and my husband is starting to get jealous. My husband got mad at me last week because I went to the dealer’s house and I didn’t tell him, he shouted at me and he said I was cheating on him, I got mad at him for being jealous and selfish, and we had our first fight in 2 years. I told him he was being very immature and I went back to the dealer’s house, and I didn’t tell my husband.<br><br>He called me and said he felt like he was losing me, I said he wasn’t and I just felt like hanging out with the dealer alone, he said he understood but he didn’t think it was a good idea for me to go there alone, he said the dealer seemed creepy and he never trusted him, and I got mad at him because I loved the dealer, he was a very nice man and he always made me feel welcome, I never saw anything creepy about him. <br><br>Now my husband is giving me space and I’m still going to the dealer’s house alone, and I feel very comfortable there, it’s like I’m home. My husband is getting jealous and he thinks I’m in love with the dealer, but it’s not true! Do you think there’s a problem? How do I make him feel better?