I think I destroyed someone’s life as a kid and it’s haunted me ever since. (Update)

When I was 14, a girl at my school kept getting bullied. She had moved to our school from another town and was quite small for her age and had curly red hair. She also had very thin lips and a slightly crooked nose. These things made her a target for various kids. <br><br>I don’t really remember all the details of the incidents leading up to the thing that I did, but I remember she just wanted to fit in so badly. She spent all lunch with me and a group of kids who were pretty neutral, but were friendly to her. One day she said she was babysitting a neighbors house and invited us over. After some hesitation a few of us said we would go. <br><br>She said she didn’t have a TV or games there, but she could give us a little bit of weed if we wanted. I was the only one who had smoked before because I was friends with an older guy who did it, so I could convince the others that it was fine. <br><br>None of us were allowed to smoke weed because we were all 14 and the weed laws in our state were pretty strict. We went to the house, smoked it and played truth or dare, then played some pranks on our friends back home. It was stupid, but we were stupid kids. <br><br>The next week, we found out that the house she was babysitting was in the neighborhood of one of the kids who went. When they were in his neighborhood going home, they were stopped by a cop and asked where they were coming from. They told the truth, which the cop happened to overhear. My friend was in deep shit at school and my friend who went to the house was also in shit at home. <br><br>I think it was just gossip stuff, but someone heard about it at school and told people who told people and the next week at school, the girl was gone. <br><br>She never came back to my school and her number wasn’t connected anymore. Shortly after I saw an article in the paper about a house getting broken into, which seemed odd because where we live there are huge lots between houses and people don’t bother to lock their doors or get alarm systems. <br><br>When I read the article it was my friends house. The girl had been arrested and was being tried as an adult. <br><br>I didn’t know this at the time, but the girl didn’t have a good home life. She was one of those kids who had to grow up too fast, with parents who were addicts. I never really understood how much this affects kids, but as an adult now, I can’t imagine being a kid. Both her parents were charged with child neglect and child endangerment. I think it might have been a case where they were absent and she was fending for herself, or they were high and she was neglected. I’m not sure all the details. I just know that whatever happened put her in a correctional facility for minors until she turned 18. <br><br>The next year I was at an event for school and this girl was among a group of girls who were in a correctional facility for minors. My school had a program to help mentor these girls and prepare them for when they got out and got back to normal life. I can’t remember the details, but they had a program or workshop or something where they said they were glad to be in the program and they were happy that people cared about them and they were being given a second chance, and they didn’t know if they deserved it, but they were going to make the most of it. <br><br>One of the girls was the girl from my school. She looked so much older than her age and the facilities had clearly taken a toll on her. Her teeth were crooked and going yellow and she looked malnourished. I can’t even describe it, but when someone lives in an institutional environment for years, they look different. She recognized me and she was shocked. She started crying and screaming and had to be removed by the guards. She was in handcuffs and they put her in a van and drove her away. <br><br>I was gutted. I felt such guilt about what I had done, putting her in a correctional facility, feeling like I was better than her. I realize now that I was just a child too, but at the time I didn’t see it that way. <br><br>Last year I was at a grocery store with my kids and going down an aisle and saw her. She looked totally different. She was a little taller and a little heavier and had bright red long hair. Her lips looked bigger and her teeth were white and straight. She looked so much happier and healthier. She looked like she had turned her life around. <br><br>I was going to talk to her, but my baby was sleeping in his car seat in the cart, so I decided to leave it alone. I just smiled and waved and walked away. I hope that she got her second chance and she made the most of it. <br><br>Ever since I was a kid, I have carried this tremendous weight of guilt and shame. I felt like I destroyed someone’s life for no reason at all. Seeing her happy has helped me to move on a lot with this, but I have always wanted to reach out and apologize for doing something so reckless and stupid. <br><br>I think I’m going to reach out to her on Facebook and just send her a message and apologize. I’m pretty sure she will remember me, but I’m not sure if she will be angry or not. It’s been years, but she was a kid and had her whole life taken from her. I was a stupid kid too, but how do you forgive someone for something like that. If you’re in the position where she is, can you ever forgive someone who did something so horrible to you? <br><br>I probably won’t get a response, but it’s worth a try. I just want her to know that I was sorry and that I didn’t mean for all that to happen to her. I feel bad for all the pain I must have caused her. <br><br>I’m sorry if this was confusing. I didn’t share my story to vent or get sympathy. I just want to know if people think I should attempt to reach out and try to say sorry. I don’t expect her to forgive me and I understand if she doesn’t want to ever hear from me again, but I feel like I owe her an explanation and an apology. <br><br>If she did forgive me, would it be okay to say that we aren’t friends, but maybe she would like a way to connect with me. I don’t know if she has any siblings, but if she grew up in the conditions I’m describing, her family probably wasn’t very supportive. <br><br>If I was in her position, I would want someone to reach out and say they were sorry. I think that’s all I really want. <br><br>Edit: Wow, this blew up while I was sleeping. Thank you to those who offered insight and advice and for sharing similar experiences when you were young. Thank you to those who offered support and kind words. <br><br>I going to send her a message and I hope she responds. If she does, I’ll update and share what happens. <br><br>Thank you again for the massive amounts of feedback. It is much appreciated. <br><br>Edit #2: I have sent a message to her on Facebook. I didn’t expect a response and I’m not surprised I didn’t get one. It’s probably for the best if I can just move on with my life and let it go. My kids are my priority and I need to be the best father I can be. <br><br>I guess I won’t be sharing an update.