This website woke me up as a teenager after my crush wanted to “go out” but was dating a jock, I never even got to 2nd base. I’m back today and I’ve grown a bit more into the blackpill after my recent rejection.

I was a shy kid in high school and had minimal social interaction with girls. Physically I was a bit shorter and weighed a bit more, I probably looked like a mid 4 at the time as a teenager. I tried to improve myself throughout high school and had some body dysmorphia, giving me anxiety about talking to girls. I think I was 16 years old and I really liked this girl in school, she was smart, attractive, and had long brown hair. She was also more reserved and we had some classes together. One day, I gathered the courage to ask her out and she said yes, she wanted to go to the movies on the Saturday. I was ecstatic that I finally got a date and I felt good about myself for a couple of days after her saying yes. She even seemed to talk to me more in school and was really laughy around me. I didn’t even get to the movie with her because she cancelled on the Friday, I was distraught. She told me she was dating another guy and I was shocked. I found out he was one of the football players and they had been together. I didn’t really understand back then why she would say yes to me and quickly cancel after. I remember her giggling about me behind my back to him and the bitch who wanted to be my friend before, was also laughing along with her. I was utterly confused and destroyed that I had no chance. I went home and went on this website r/blackpill to vent and the comments were all over the place but majority of them were trying to help me get over it, thanks guys. I went on to have a hollow feeling for the rest of high school and knew I was never good enough for any of the girls.<br><br>Over time, I improved myself quite a bit, I used to weigh 65 kg at 170 cm and I now weigh 78 kg, so I’ve gained 13 kg of muscle. I’m 23 years old now and I’m more outgoing in terms of my job and socialising with other people. I’ve had a handful of relationships but only 2 that were serious. I don’t tend to talk to girls that much, I only ever dated girls who approached me or girls I was already friends with. I’ve been single for over a year and I’ve been trying to ask girls out, I don’t get rejected often anymore but sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough. I started talking to this girl in university a couple of months ago because we were doing a group project together. She was attractive and seemed to be a bit more reserved. I grew to like her a lot, she was smart, funny, and attractive. I asked her out today and she said no because she was busy, she just finished her finals. I said no problem and she said she was actually dating someone. She was a bit embarrassed that she had to admit to it and I understand, she didn’t want to lead me on and it was understandable. I got home feeling a bit hollow and empty again, I’ve been rejected before but this one hurt because she was everything I wanted.<br><br>I’ve been reading some of the posts and I truly believe I am just not wired correctly to date today. I’m a mid 6 now and I’m not socially awkward but here I am again. It feels a bit better letting it out, I feel like I’m going insane, I can’t make sense of why I’m not good enough. I haven’t been dumped before but I feel like I’m just a really bad pick. I just can’t understand why I’m not enough, no matter how hard I try. I want to blame Instagram and TikTok but I think there’s something more at play, I think something might be wrong with my brain or I’m just extremely lucky to have had any sort of dating experience.<br><br>I have some hope but I don’t know if I’ll ever be enough for someone.