I don’t understand why you need to be feminine in order to be attracted to girls and I don’t care.

I don’t know if my sexuality is fully formed yet at my age of 19, but I’m 99% sure I’m attracted to girls. I’m not 100% sure because I’ve never been in a romantic relationship before and I’m a shy introvert, however I’ve always had more of an affinity towards developing crushes (no matter the gender) than my friends, and I’ve always been fascinated with sexual attraction.<br><br>Society is all about labeling everyone, so I’ve come to the conclusion I’m straight up lesbian. I’m also fairly masculine, as I’m a simple guy and I don’t like to waste my time putting a lot of effort into my appearance. Now I don’t go around yelling I’m a lesbian to everyone I meet or anything, but I’m not afraid to admit I’m attracted to girls and I’m a girl. Just because I’m not standard “femme” doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to be lesbian.<br><br>It all started my freshmen year of high school, I had a crush on a girl who was in my 10th grade English class. She had a beauty mark next to her eye, had the palest skin I’ve seen and her eyes were the prettiest shade of blue and her hair was brown. I know that being attracted to someone because of their appearance is pretty shallow, but I’m not a good person with words so no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t work up the courage to talk to her, besides apologizing for taking her pencil sharpener in the morning. She had a boyfriend too, so there was no chance in the world ANYWAYS. She was a beauty mark away from being a clone of Scarlett Johansson.<br><br>I got over it, and I moved on. By that point in my life I had realized that I was 100% gay and I didn’t need to spend any more time questioning my sexuality, besides I had more important personal things to worry about.<br><br>Another time it happened was last year. I was in one of my favorite classes, psychology and all of a sudden there was a new transfer student. This time though, it was someone that was really my crush. Her name was Kate (that’s what I’m calling her, not her real name). Kate was the person who I jokingly referred to as having the “gamer moment” for me. To explain it best, that’s when you see someone and it feels like the video game level is complete and you have found your avatar. For me it was Kate.<br><br>Kate had blonde hair, blue eyes and tanned skin. To me it didn’t matter what Kate wore, she was the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. I would tell all my friends how hot she was and how I wished that I could have Kate as my girlfriend. I don’t know what it was about Kate, but she was the first time I was really attracted to someone. I was infatuated with Kate and everything about her. By the end of my grade 12 year I had jokingly gotten my friends to call me Kate’s boyfriend, however that was just a joke, I didn’t have the nerve to do anything about it. Still though, I was happy.<br><br>Now the third and final time, was literally just a couple months ago. In my second semester of grade 12, I didn’t get Kate, but instead I had an amazing looking substitute teacher. Yet again she was blonde, had blue eyes and tanned skin. I don’t know why I’m always attracted to that, but what I do know is that I’m not sexually attracted to her. I know why people say I’m upset is because of ego. I hope that I’m not and that I’m not as shallow as it sounds, but I’m penetrated by ego and I have nothing but disgust towards that substitute teacher. I try my best to hide my disgust and not let it show.<br><br>So, what was it about this substitute teacher that was so different? There is no reason I should have any ill feelings towards Ms. K. So I started thinking. What is the cause for why I don’t like her? Now I’m not the best at expressing myself, but I’m going to try. I don’t know if it’s being masculine, having a penis or just having male privilege, but for whatever reason I have the right to decide that I’m a lesbian. I’ve been born with a vagina, which makes me a girl. I know I’m not female, but I’m also not male. Now I’ve seen in the mainstream for a long time this trend of feminine males claiming to be lesbians, just because they are attracted to females. There is nothing wrong with being a feminine male, but you cannot identify as a lesbian. Do you know why? It’s simple, you’re not a lesbian, you’re a gay male. Lesbian is defined as a female that is attracted to other females. You don’t meet that criteria, so you can’t use that term. I don’t like being called a man, I don’t like being called a woman, and I hate being called a boy or girl. Still though, I don’t have the right to identify as a lesbian.<br><br>I’m not saying that I don’t like femininity, quite the opposite. My feminine side is one of my favorite things about myself, and I admire in people who are more feminine than me and I appreciate their effort to express their beauty. I just don’t see why you need to be feminine in order to be attracted to girls. So to all the feminine males out there claiming to be lesbians, you’re not and you never will be. Stop trying so hard to fit into a box that you don’t belong in, you can’t be a lesbian because you’re a male. I’m sorry that you can’t be a lesbian, but I’m not. I don’t want to be a lesbian and I’m glad that I’m not.