I miss having a best friend.

I haven’t had a best friend since I was little. I went to a special school and then went to a regular school in 4th grade and never made any close friends. I’m doing pretty well in my 20’s. I don’t have any big problems. I don’t smoke, drink, or use drugs. I have a good job, take care of myself, and I’m in good health. I’m doing everything right but I’ve been in so many friendships that haven’t worked, and I’m lonely. I think what I miss the most is having someone who is a real friend. You know, someone who is there for you when you need them and you can be there for them. A person who is straight with you and doesn’t care if that means hurting your feelings. You can always tell them the truth and they will always tell you the truth.<br><br>A few months ago I realized I was lonely and wanted to make a new friend. I started hanging out with a coworker of mine who was really nice and funny. I was really excited that I was going to make a new friend, but then I realized she wasn’t very reliable. She wouldn’t text for weeks and then would out of nowhere. She wouldn’t follow through on plans and was constantly changing her mind. It really bothered me and I don’t see us being friends anymore. I’m really doing well in every other area of my life except for relationships. I’m not some strange weirdo who creeped everyone out. I’m a normal person, but I just can’t seem to get relationships right.<br><br>I’m in therapy, I’ve read tons of books on relationships and friendships, and I just can’t seem to get it. I just feel like I’m never going to have a real friend. I feel like I’m so thick headed and obstinate, that I can’t shape myself into a different person. I’m just who I am, and that’s all I’m going to be.