ive never felt lonelier

ive been trying to make it so im happy and not sad or angry but it will never be that way. i just cant escape. the only glimpse of hope when i was in college was my friend group. after i graduated and moved away i feel so alone. i miss them so much. im not able to go back to college and i cant move back. i cant see them again. im alone and i will be alone. its the saddest thought for me. i cant escape this. im not able to make friends. im not able to make new friends its always me being lonely. i feel so lost. i miss so much. i hate how i feel. i hate it so much. i had a chance to go to a party but i blew it and i havent heard from people in a week. the only people that talk to me are my mom and dad and they are the only people that i contact. i will never feel loved or cared for because of how i look. that is the cold harsh truth. im done. i need to stop this. i hate myself so much.