I’ve been questioning if I was mentally ill for years and I think I just figured out why, and it breaks my heart.

I’m a 21 year old male and I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis the last few years. <br>I’ve felt lonely and made myself feel like I’m broken or something because I don’t fit the criteria to be ‘popular’ or ‘attractive’. I don’t have a girlfriend or even any close female friends, and I’m pretty sure I’m gay. I’ve always liked men and had a crush on a few guys. But I never felt like I was anything close to being ‘masculine’. Even my crushes are almost all on men that are more ‘feminine’ and I bet if most other straight men saw them, they’d call them gay as well. I don’t know. I just felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. Not with men or women. I’m quite lonely, but I’m too afraid to ask anyone out because I don’t think anyone will like me.<br>But today I went and got my hair done. It’s a bit more feminine and I was super nervous at first, but when I got home and saw myself in the mirror and I felt like… I felt like myself. I felt relaxed and at peace. I looked in the mirror and I felt like I looked at a person I’d be friends with. Someone I’d date for sure. I didn’t feel any of those things before. I always felt like something was missing, like there was just something about me that I didn’t like. And now, I feel just… happy. Luckily for me, my parents are supportive. I told them about my hair and they were all smiles and said I was beautiful. I feel like I can breathe now, like I can relax. I feel like myself. Like I just started being who I’m supposed to be for the first time in my life. I’m 21 years old and I’m just feeling this. It breaks my heart, knowing that this could’ve been how I felt for the last few years if society wasn’t so hard on people like me. I would’ve been less lonely and less stressed if I didn’t have to fight this for so long. The thought of all the other people this happens to breaks my heart. But I guess it’s better late than never.