I don't love my daughter.

I'm a 38 year old single dad of a 16 year old girl and a 13 year old boy. I love my son so much. He's hysterical and extremely smart and has gone through so much in his life already. I'd die for that kid. My daughter is not as smart as him and she's not as funny. She's pretty, but she's not a beauty. She's completely unremarkable, but not in a bad way. She's just...there. I don't have much of a relationship with her.<br><br>I've always thought that it wasn't my job to be her friend. I've always thought it was my job to provide for her, see that she's safe, and help her become a successful woman. I wanted to be more involved in her life, I was frustrated that she didn't seem to have any particular interests I could share with her, and I worried that I was a failure of a father because I didn't know her the way I knew her brother, but I was doing my best and she seemed to be a happy teenager until a few nights ago when she said to her brother "Yeah, girls need their moms." Her brother agreed and I felt like I'd been punched in the fucking gut. <br><br>Over the last few nights I've been thinking a lot. I've looked at old pictures. I remembered when I first held her in my arms. She was the first person I ever said "I love you" to that wasn't family. I realized something terrible: I've never loved her. I love my son more than life itself. I would take a fucking bullet for my son. I'm not capable of what people call unconditional love for my daughter. I've done my best for her, but my best is a pale imitation of the love I have for my son. I would die for him, but honestly I wouldn't die for my daughter. I would die for him because I love him more than I love myself, and I would die for her because I don't want to outlive another kid and I don't want to leave her behind with no parents. I would die for her out of obligation and a sense of failure, not out of love, and I know it and I hate it. <br><br>I wish I could love everybody the same way that I love my son. I wish I didn't have to admit that my daughter is nothing more than an obligation. Parents don't talk about their inability to love their children enough. People who aren't parents don't want to hear it. I know exactly how my dad felt about me and I know that I was nothing more than a burden to him, and I know I've done the same thing to her and there's nothing I can do to fix it.