I hate being lonely so much

I hate how it feels like nobody’s waiting for you to get home. I hate how it feels like nobody knows you well enough to know when something’s wrong with you. I hate how you go to get food and you have to say “for one” every time. I hate how even going out in public runs on the clock and when you’re done you still go home alone. I hate how you try to get to know people and sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I hate how they add your name only to the reservation, the invitation, the guest list or the message. I hate how you don’t know how it feels like to be in a relationship. I hate how it feels like you’re the background, the setting to everyone else’s foreground. I hate how it’s hard to make any progress when it feels like you’re standing completely still, watching the world go by. I hate how you try to reach out to people but then you feel like you’re being clingy or too much to handle. I hate how you try to busy yourself with anything just to feel like you’re doing something with your time. I hate how you try to talk yourself into being anything but lonely. I hate how you just can’t.