How to know if you have a Western Conifer Seed Bug Infestation and how to deal with it

Even if you don’t think you have a WCSB infestation, you probably do. Call it an outbreak, an infestation, a plague – it doesn’t matter. If you live in central New York, you’ve probably come face-to-face with a Western Conifer Seed Bug at least once this winter; how many times did you see one in past winters? This year is a worm’s worth worse than last year, which was a swarm worse than the year before, and each of these swarms is a harbinger of a plague that will only worsen.<br><br>Are you tired of losing sleep over the conifer droning of these pests? Are you tired of the stink they leave behind? Tired of your kids screaming whenever they see one? A WCSB infestation is not something that you can just wait out – if you have a WCSB infestation, you need to act now before it’s too late. So, how do you know if you have a WCSB infestation? Here are a few signs that you have a WCSB infestation and some quick tips to get them out of your house and into the oven:<br><br>**Common signs of a Western Conifer Seed Bug infestation:**<br><br>* Seed bugs in the house – If you’ve come across a seed bug inside your home, don’t panic – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have an infestation. It *probably* means that you have an infestation, but there’s still a chance that it was just a lone bug who got in through a crack in your masonry or a torn screen or a used book or something.<br>* Frass and exoskeletons – If you see tiny black dots or seedbug skeletons, you have an infestation. The frass will look kinda like tiny turds; the skeletons will look like tiny seed bugs that are really still. If you see either frass or exoskeletons, it can only mean that you have (or have had) live seedbugs nearby – if they’re in your house, it’s an infestation and you have to take action.<br>* Droppings on walls – If you see a series of small black dots in a line on your wall, you have an infestation. This is the most reliable sign that you have a WCSB infestation – it could mean that you have either live bugs inside your walls or dead seedbugs inside your walls. Either way, there’s nothing you can do about it – you just have to adapt to this new normal.<br>* Holes in your walls – If you see a hole in your drywall or your wood, you have an infestation. If the hole is small and round, like a tunnel, it could be a WCSB hole. If you see a hole in your walls, you have to first confirm that it’s a seedbug hole – bears and other animals could also make holes in your walls, so you have to be certain that you have seedbugs. <br>* Droppings beneath windowsills – If you see a smudge of seedbug shit on the bottom of your windowpane, you have an infestation. This is a sign that the seedbugs are dying – when seedbugs die after a long winter of sleeping and stinking and breeding, they let out a little present to leave behind for their kids. With a little luck, you might even be able to find the corpse of the little seedbug that shat itself to death on your window sill – if you’re lucky, you might even be able to confirm whether the seedbug had the omicron variant of WCSB dementia.<br><br>**How to diagnose the severity of your WCSB infestation:**<br><br>* After you confirm that you have an infestation, you have to figure out how bad it is – this is known as the EUSP, or Extent of the infestation and the Urgency with which you Should Proceed. <br>* The EUSP is classified on the three-point McManus scale:<br>* One McManus is a small infestation that you can deal with yourself – one McManus is a bad night with a few dozen seedbugs here and there. It’s not ideal, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Maybe crack open a beer and shut off the lights and just let them do their thing – after all, it’s not like you can do anything about it. One McManus is the seedbug equivalent of a regional snowfall warning – you’ll probably be fine, but keep an eye on things and try to stay warm.<br>* Two McManus is a moderate infestation. If you have a two-McManus infestation, you’re in trouble. Two McManus seedbug infestations are bad. At this point, it’s not just about the number of bugs – it’s about the way that they decline the quality of life in your home. Maybe you’re someone who takes pride in your home and doesn’t want to come across as a slob, or maybe you have kids and you want to protect them from the scourge of the seedbug (you can’t). At two McManus, you probably see seedbugs on a daily basis and are probably trying to figure out if seedbugs poop is dangerous (in some cases, yes). Even if you manage to get the seedbugs out of your house, you’ll still have to deal with the long-term effects a two-McManus infestation brings: the stress of dealing with a moderate seedbug infestation could land you in the hospital. On the McManus scale, 2 is what differentiates a merely bad infestation from a full-blown plague. <br>* Three McManus is a severe infestation. If you have a 3 McManus infestation, you’re fucked. Emigrate to a place with fewer seedbugs. At three McManus, you will be subjected to the worst of the worst. At three McManus, your home will be overrun – you will not be able to go a few minutes without seeing a seedbug. You probably see seedbugs in the bathroom with you and you probably side-eye your seedbug neighbors every time you use the shower. If you have a pet, they might not even want to come inside anymore – worse still, you might be unable to stay in your own house. At three McManus, you probably question whether it’s even worth it – it’s not. With a little luck, your house will sell. If it doesn’t, you probably deserve it.<br><br>**How to get rid of a Western Conifer Seed Bug infestation:**<br><br>* At this point, it doesn’t matter how you get rid of the seedbugs – all that matters is that you get them out of the house. You could crush them or toss them by hand (not recommended), vacuum them up and throw the bag away (recommended), or burn them alive in a slow cooker (highly recommended). It’s a war of attrition at this point. Don’t worry too much about the legality of the methods you choose – as long as you’re acting in good faith, you’ll likely be forgiven. After all, it’s not like you could have done anything to prevent a seedbug infestation – you did everything you could with the information that you had, and now you’re stuck dealing with the decline of Western society. <br>* If you don’t want to handle seedbugs yourself, you could always call an exterminator – if you call an exterminator, make sure you specify that you have a seedbug infestation. If you forget to specify that you have seedbugs, the exterminator will still take your money but will not remove the seedbugs. <br>* Seedbugs don’t like fire. If you can’t capture them or you can’t throw them away, it doesn’t matter – what matters is that you kill them. If you have a seedbug and you want to kill it, put it in the oven. If you have a thousand seedbugs and you want to kill them, buy a new oven. Make sure the oven is set to incinerate – seedbugs can survive Fire, but not Incinerate. Make sure the seedbugs are dead before you throw away the remains – if you throw out a live seedbug, you could create a Million-McManus infestation.<br>* If you have a severe infestation and you can’t get rid of the seedbugs on your own, you probably need professional help (therapy or an exterminator – either way). If you have a moderate infestation, you should probably just resign yourself to the fact that you’ll have seedbugs for the rest of the winter – as long as it’s just a moderate infestation, you’ll probably be fine. You might not even get post-traumatic stress disorder.<br><br>* If you live in central New York and you don’t have an infestation of seedbugs, you probably have a small house. If you have a small house, congratulations – you won the housing market. If you can’t afford to move, consider purchasing an incinerating oven or calling an exterminator. If you still can’t afford seedbug treatments, you probably deserve the seedbugs that you get.