i don't have a choice but to hate women

i hate saying that because the idea of misogyny is so nuanced and we live in an era where any criticism of women is dismissed as misogyny by the mainstream, or alternatively, any legitimate criticism of women is basically used as fuel to fire the misogynistic sentiments on the online right/alt right, and the reasons why women are perceived as 'the bad guy' are oversimplified and never fully understood or communicated, but here's my two cents anyway.<br><br>i'm a trans man. a trans guy. a man who was born in the body of a woman. i've never felt like a woman. i'm not a woman. i'm a victim of sexism for being a woman in a patriarchal society, but i'm not a woman and i'm not included in feminist discourse. <br><br>i was socialized as a woman. i have experienced sexism and discrimination because i was perceived as a woman and i do experience sexism as a man, and it's not the same sexism that women experience. it's a form of sexism tailored to me, a man who was socialized as a woman, a man who was treated as a woman. i am excluded from manhood by a patriarchal society, but i don't experience womanhood by any stretch of the imagination.<br><br>i hate how much i was treated as a commodity, how much i was policed and scrutinized, how much i was sexualized and fetishized. yes, i was sexualized and fetishized as a woman. i was fetishized for being a 'hot girl' with short hair andbinders and sneakers, i was fetishized for being strong, i was fetishized for being confident, i was fetishized for not taking shit from anybody. i didn't have control over my own body growing up. my body was not my own, it was everyone else's. it was everyone else's to critique, everyone else's to gawk at, everyone else's to fetishize, everyone else's to police. <br><br>i don't own my body because my body is not perceived as male. this is a fact. this is a reality i have to live with. i will never own my body, not really. i have to share it with everyone else. i am male but i will be treated as female for the rest of my life, especially with the physical and social transition i have undergone and will continue to undergo. my genotype is female. my phenotype is male. my actions, my personality, my spirit, my soul are male. my life, my choices, my decisions are constantly being policed and monitored.<br><br>sometimes i think about what it would be like to be a woman. i don't feel like a woman, i don't act like a woman, i don't think like a woman, but there is a deep sense of loss and grief i feel about not being able to connect with the half of the human population that was assigned my same gender, phenotype, and genotype. <br><br>sometimes i think about if i had been born male, how much more confident and free i would be. i would have been raised in a patriarchal society tailored to my needs and interests. the societal narrative would have been my narrative and my experiences would have been seen as valid and important. i would have grown up in a world tailored to me, and my choices and actions would have been made without the hypercriticism and scrutiny i endure as a woman.<br><br>sometimes i think about if i had been born with the body of a man. i would have been perceived as male and treated as male. i would have been treated as a person. with the privilege of being perceived as male and treated as male, i would not have been sexualized and fetishized to the degree i was. i would have been a person. my body would have been my body. my mind would have been my mind. my spirit and soul would have been my spirit and soul. my choices and experiences would have been perceived as valid and important. <br><br>i'm tired of being sexualized as a woman, fetishized as a woman, treated as a woman, policed as a woman, criticized and scrutinized as a woman. i'm tired of feeling like i'm the only person who sees gender as a social construct, i'm tired of feeling like i'm the only person who sees sexism the way i see sexism. i'm tired of feeling like the guy who is excluded from manhood, the woman who is excluded from womanhood, the nonbinary person who is excluded from nonbinaryhood; i am excluded from the gender discourse because i am a man who was perceived and treated as a woman, and this exclusion is because of the sexism i have endured.<br><br>i'm tired. i'm tired of living in a society that doesn't recognize me as male, i'm tired of living in a society that reduces me to my genitals, i'm tired of living in a society where my choices and decisions are constantly scrutinized and policed. <br><br>i'm tired of women. i'm tired of women who exclude me from the 'womanhood' i never experienced anyway, i'm tired of women who reduce me to my genitals, i'm tired of women who say i will always be a woman, i'm tired of women telling me how to be a woman and a feminist when i have never been and will never be a woman or a feminist. <br><br>i hate women. i hate that i was ever perceived and treated as a woman. i hate the sexism i endure because of this. i hate the feminism that doesn't apply to me, i hate the manhood i am excluded from, i hate the sexism i endure from men and women alike. <br><br>most of all, i hate how deeply patriarchal women can be. i hate how deeply ingrained sexism is in women. i hate how much women exclude and alienate trans people, i hate how much women invalidate the experiences of trans people, i hate how much women will say trans people have 'male privilege' or 'female privilege' as if we are actually treated as the gender we identify as. <br><br>i hate the privilege women have, the privilege to be perceived and treated as the gender they identify as. i hate how much this privilege is abused. i hate how women use this privilege to exclude others, to invalidate others, to alienate others.<br><br>i hate this privilege. i hate the patriarchy. <br><br>i hate women.