I want to die.

Hello, people.<br><br>I'm 20 years old, from Turkey. Istanbul to be more precise. The reason I'm writing this is because I found out that my husband cheated on me. We've been married for 8 months. We took our marriage to the court after living together for 2.5 years. We had a very happy marriage. I didn't suspect a thing. My world turned upside down in a day. According to what I learned, he didn't even hide it from our friends. He cheated on me with a girl who was in a relationship and cheated on her boyfriend as well. These two are the reason for my marriage's end. But the most painful part is that the girl he cheated on me with is pregnant. She's pregnant with my husband's child.<br><br>I've been in a lot of pain lately. I also have no one to talk to. My family consists of my dad. We lost my mom when I was little. Therefore, he's my only family. He's the only one I have in this world. He had a stroke after his wife's death. He was paralyzed and disabled. He's now 68 years old. He still can't walk properly, he has problems with half his body. He's dependent on me. I have no one else in my life other than him. I can't leave him behind.<br><br>The day I found out about my husband's betrayal, I told him I want a divorce. He didn't resist, he agreed. I really didn't expect otherwise, because his mistress is pregnant with his child. We'll have to go to court. The divorce process will be very long. My biggest fear is that they won't believe me. They won't hear me. They'll say it's my fault. They won't give me a divorce.<br><br>I live in a patriarchal country. Here, men are holy, women are nothing. I'm afraid of being judged and blamed. I'm afraid of being criticized for not being able to satisfy my husband. I'm afraid of being accused of being unfaithful. I'm afraid of being seen as the cause of my husband's betrayal. I'm afraid of being laughed at and scorned by other women who think it's the woman's fault if she gets cheated on. I'm afraid of people thinking I should have endured this and shouldn't have divorced him.<br><br>I don't want to set foot in that courtroom. I don't want to be a woman who can't satisfy her husband. I don't want to be a failure as a wife. I don't want to be embarrassed and laughed at by the public. I don't want to suffer alone in this patriarchal society. I don't want to live in a society that judges and blames women. I don't want to be a woman in Turkey. I don't want to live.<br><br>This is my situation. This is my country. And this is my story.<br><br>Sorry for the grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language.<br><br>I'm sorry if my post was too long.