husband and i had a fight over me doing things for him when he's sick.

my husband and i had an argument last night and he just walked out and didn't come back or call until hours later and hasn't been home since. he finally called me saying he needs a break but wanted to make sure i was okay because we have a 4 month old. he is bringing up issues he has with me having been absent recently and when i tried explaining to him i apologized but he continued to badger me to get me to agree. he went so far as to tell me to grow up because i was acting like a baby and that i refuse to take responsibility for any of my actions because i am a coward. of course he did all of this without me ever being able to explain myself and i could hear his mom agreeing with him in the background. i just broke down and cried and then he called me a baby again and said i am being dramatic. he said i have been so absent as a mom and i only see my baby maybe 2 hours a day, i am always off doing my own thing and don't care about the baby or him. he told me he needs to take care of himself and needs to take a break to get away from this marriage. he says he needs mental health. i sent him a text saying i want a divorce. if he thinks treating me like that is okay because he is sick then he should be alone with his mom. he said i am being dramatic and that i am pushing him away by telling him i want a divorce. he said i am being selfish and that i need to grow up and be a better wife and mother. <br><br>i don't know what to do. i am so confused and in tears. i thought we had a happy marriage until he blew up at me for not being willing to do a chore for him. <br><br>he had asked if i could make him a smoothie. i i told him no i am tired. he told me i always do everything i want to do and i never care about him or what he needs. i offered to order him some soup and i told him i didn't feel like cooking because i am tired. he told me to stop making excuses and get off my ass and do something for someone else for once. he called me lazy again and i stood up for myself and told him i am not lazy, if i were i wouldn't work so hard. i told him i don't need to be called names. he called me a baby for telling him not to call me names. he said he can speak to me however he wants and i am acting immature for taking offense. <br><br>this is where it got bad... he told me that i never do anything for him and he is tired of giving me my way and letting me do whatever i want all the time. he said he has to ask multiple times for me to do the smallest thing for him and it is so hard to get me to do anything i don't want to do. he said he feels like he is my child and that i never treat him like a husband. <br><br>i told him he was right. he then started yelling at me saying i never want to do anything for him and i am so selfish. i tried to explain i was agreeing with him but he wasn't having it. he said i don't do anything for him and i never am willing to do anything unless i want to. i tried explaining i was willing to go get him anything he wanted but he told me i was being sarcastic. i told him i was sorry i wasn't treating him like i should as a husband. he told me he was disappointed in me for telling him i wasn't going to make him a smoothie. i reminded him i was willing to order him food but he said i was taking too long and it was only going to be cold by the time i got it to him. i told him i would go get him soup right away. he said i was saying that but i wasn't really going to do anything for him because i don't do anything for him unless i feel like it.<br><br>i have been with this man since we were kids and i never realized i was treating him so badly. he told me that i was being treated as a queen because he buys me things and takes me on trips and does nice things for me. he said i don't deserve to be treated like a queen and i need to earn that. he said i am being treated as a queen but i don't behave like one. i don't give and i only take. he said i don't give and i only take in other ways that aren't just financial and were very personal attacks. <br><br>i am so confused. i thought we had a good marriage. he has never said anything like that to me. i don't know how to respond to any of the things he said. i don't know how to get over hurtful things he said. i am hurt. i feel like maybe he is right. <br><br>i feel unappreciated and taken for granted. i feel like i don't do enough for him because i don't think about him unless i see him or he is on my mind. i am not just talking as a wife. even when we were younger. <br><br>i have been working a lot lately and i am tired. i am also a mom of a 4 month old and i am tired from being a mom. sometimes i don't want to cook or clean or do a chore and i just don't. i call it being lazy but it's really just being tired and needing a break. <br><br>i don't know what to do. everything he said hurt me. i am crying because i feel like i failed as a wife. i don't know how to fix this and i feel like i need to apologize and cater to him but i don't want to. i did tell him i was sorry. i am just so confused. <br><br>an hour or two before he asked me to do something for him, i did something for him. does that not count? every time i do something for him does it just immediately get forgotten? <br><br>he may think i am lazy but he also knows that i work 60 hours a week, sometimes more. he knows i am tired. he will sometimes tell me to stop doing things for other people and stop saying yes to everyone else and saying no to him. <br><br>i am just so confused and hurt. i don't know what to think or do. everything he told me hurt me so much. <br><br>i don't know if i should give him space or reach out. part of me just wants to leave. i don't feel like i can be married to someone who would treat me like that and say things like that to me but a bigger part of me doesn't want to leave and i want to save the marriage and try harder to be a good wife. <br><br>i don't know what to do. i am torn. i am so hurt. i don't know how to move past this or how to heal from it or how to forgive. <br><br>he just called me again and told me he is going to stay with his mom for a few days and that i should reflect on myself and think about how i can be a better wife. he told me to stop thinking of only myself. he said i should not contact him and to give him space. he also told me to not start thinking about what i want, like a divorce, but to think about what he wants and what he needs and to think about how i can give that to him. he said i should be willing to give him anything he wants and that is my job as his wife.