If I do cocaine I always want to take more

I'm 25 and have been in and out of therapy for the last four years, I have never been reckless with drinking, drugs or anything else. I've been on and off cocaine for the last two years in and out of therapy. It's the only drug that I want to take more of, where I will spend hundreds of dollars taking more and more just to get a little high. I don't smoke it, I snort it. I recently had a few days of doing it in September and now I've been sober since, but after I stop I always panic and worry that I'll never be able to do it again so I almost feel like I have to do it again because it's my last time. <br><br>I wish I could just do the drug and not want more of it, it's so hard having to tell myself no. I've been told to maybe stop doing it all together but I want to figure out a way to use it without wanting more, has anyone been able to do that?<br><br>Edit: I was diagnosed with ADHD in December of 2023, since then I've been diagnosed with BPD in March of 2024. Both were diagnosed by professionals. I've been taking meds for ADHD since January 2024. I'm a US citizen, in Iowa.