I tend to cop out and make excuses for myself because I imagine it keeps me from getting in trouble, and it absolutely sucks.

I guess the point of this post is to vent. Sometimes I say things that don't make sense, or I make excuses for myself that don't even make sense. They never really help me positively and they are almost always self defeating. I'm very bad at making excuses...I guess because I'm not a very good liar. Or maybe it's because deep down I know the real answer a lot of the time and am just trying to avoid it. <br><br>When I get into growth mode and something hurts, a lot of the pain actually goes away when I start doing the work. I think part of it is learning to be honest with myself, and it helps me move forward in a way that I can't when I'm making excuses. This is just a pretty isolating thing and I want to change it, because I cop out way too much.<br><br>I want to become a type of person who always seeks out the truth. And I've found that the only way that I can get to that point is embracing the truth as much as possible, and not shying away from it.<br><br>I've recently been working on a project after leaving school. I've been pushing myself very hard and learning to take care of myself, because my habits have been bad for so long. And learning to be honest with myself is part of it. <br><br>Being afraid of the truth is normal I think, but I'm so tired of copping out. I'm not sure how to get help outside of embracing it more, but I'm exhausted of always feeling this way.