I am 34 and I have no friends at all. Life is shit.

I am 34 and I have no friends at all. I was born and raised in London and I live there still. I am single and live alone. The reason I have no friends is because I am autistic and I have always struggled to make friends. I only had one friend at my primary school and a year after I went to my secondary school he turned against me. I guess that was like, the day my life began falling apart. Four years ago, I did something with my friend from secondary school and I poured cement down his drain. I didn't do it to be mean, I was genuinely curious as to what would happen. I now always wonder what would have happened if I never did that. Since I did that, I have isolated myself from society as I am terrified of people and how they will judge me. I have even been scared to make any new friends ever since due to a fear of being judged. I have never had a girlfriend in my WHOLE LIFE. Sometimes I think I am just a piece of shit and that I will never have friends or anything. I am now dreading my 40th birthday, when my life will be half over and I will be even more lonely then than I am now.<br><br>I just wanted to vent about that. Life is shit and that's it.