My mom didn't want me but I needed her so badly, now I can never understand her love.

I'm feeling lost. I would like to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone, whoever you are. Today my heart is broken into a million pieces. I want to laugh and I want to cry.<br><br>My mom had me at 19, she didn't want me. My grandparents forced her to be a mom. She was so frustrated with me and angry always. She screamed at me, hit me, and said the worst things. When I was about 6, she married a man. They were so in love, it didn't last. She was so angry all the time and her anger fell on me. All I wanted was her love. I would do anything for her love. I felt like I was the reason she was so angry. I tried so hard to help and always be good and stay out of the way. I used to sit in my room and read books all day. I even read one book 15 times.<br><br>My mom dated a lot and I remember one man, he was from Colombia. He was so nice to me. I was so grateful for him. He made me feel so happy and I finally felt like I was loved and I was enough. He would take me to the park and play with me. He would read my favorite book to me. Sometimes he would even take me out for early supper, just the two of us. I never felt so special, it made me feel like a princess. One time I asked him if he could be my dad. He said yes. I was so happy.<br><br>When I was 10 my mom married him. I was so happy. I never wanted to see my mom so happy. She was always smiling and she was so nice to me. She would hug me and tell me she loved me. I felt so happy. I was happy for her.<br><br>My mom had my brother when I was 12. She would stare at him and stare at me. She would scowl at me and I felt like I wasn't loved. She started to get angry again and she would hit me and scream. I didn't understand. My dad (as I call him) didn't understand. He stayed out of the way and when I told him what happened, he would give me a hug and I cried so much. I was so sad.<br><br>Now I'm 24. I'm married. My husband is from Peru. I met him at a restaurant, he was working. I fell in love with him right away. My mom didn't like him and she was very angry. I didn't understand. We got married. We were so happy.<br><br>My dad traveled to South America, he met my husband's family. They love him and he loves them.<br><br>I get calls from my mom almost every day, she is so angry and demands to know why my dad would help my husband's family. She said my dad didn't do anything for her. She said he only cares for me and it's not fair. I called my dad and asked if he wanted to say something. He said he only cares about her and that she is so selfish. I am shocked. I never imagined this side of my dad. My mom didn't answer any calls from my husband or my dad.<br><br>Yesterday we went to the airport to pick up my mom. She had been to see her friend in Canada. My husband drove me to the airport and when we found my mom her face was beaming with anger. When we got home she started yelling and screaming and hitting her husband my dad. He looked at me and said, "I have tried so hard to be good to her and she is like this. I took care of you because I promised your parents I would take care of you. I am not your father, I am your uncle. Your parents died in a bus accident when you were 2 years old. You are too old to be a child." I felt like he slapped me really hard. He said "I love you like you are my daughter. I am sad you are not my daughter. But I will always be your father."<br><br>I don't understand, my heart hurts so much. I don't understand. I never knew my real parents. I never knew this was my life. I want to cry and I want to laugh and I want to scream. I am so happy. I am so sad. I am so confused. And I want to talk to someone, but my husband doesn't understand. My heart hurts so much.