Share your favorite phrases or comebacks to use with difficult children. Make me laugh!

Share your favorite phrases or comebacks to use with difficult children. Make me laugh! I’ve got an extremely difficult 3rd grader and need some jokes, comebacks, and one-liners to diffuse situations. He’s parent(s) are not involved in anyway so I need all the help I can get. Here are some of mine that have worked. He also has a chronic cough so I make sure to throw those in whenever I can. <br><br>1. Why do you always cough like you’re my child? I didn’t know I was having a child so young. Wins every time. <br><br>2. I know you’re upset but I heard gossiping outside of recess. Please remain calm. <br><br>3. I know it’s so hard to be smart, handsome, and good looking. If I had all your gifts I’d be a difficult child too. <br><br>4. What did they call you before they named you “Your Name?” <br><br>5. You know what they say about the apple and the tree (family members)…….I’m sure you’ll choose a different path in life. <br><br>6. I know you’re going through puberty (8 years old) but please stop growing so fast.<br><br>7. I bet you’re the only one in 3rd grade that’s going through puberty, that’s great! How exciting! <br><br>8. How did your brain turn into applesauce so fast? Try to ignore him when he asks me questions.<br><br>9. Life must be jealous of how amazing you are. That why life’s so mean to you. <br><br>10. I know it’s hard to share friends right now but you can’t buy friends, you can’t marry them and that’s not how we should get real friends. I know that’s what the internet told you. <br><br>11. I know it’s hard to be yourself when the internet tells you what to do but try harder. <br><br>12. I know it’s hard being you, but you’re supposed to be yourself. Not a copy of every kid who bullies everyone at school. Ok? <br><br>13. Why would I want to be mean back to you? I’m an adult and you’re a child. Then I give him a hug and pat him on the head. <br><br>14. I know it’s hard but you’re going to make it. I have faith in you. <br><br>15. I know you’re sad and you fell down. Do you need a hug or a bandaid? <br><br>16. You must be allergic to something because every morning you wake up crying.<br><br>17. I know your life sucks but it gets better. Asking kids who faced anything similar helps too. Then I say, see? They made it! 5th grade is better than 3rd grade! <br><br>18. I can’t imagine anyone wants to bully you! You’re too cool! <br><br>19. Why don’t you just go with it? I’m a student teacher and you’re my pretend student.<br><br>20. You step on my heart every day. I can’t feel it anymore. I have to get heart transplants daily because of kids like you. Thanks!