I'm back

I know many of you will be thinking "who's this?" and that's fair enough but I haven't logged onto this account for a very long time. <br><br>I used to use chambers as a teen to talk about hobbies and vent about issues in my life. I stopped logging on years ago and moved away so I haven't had the same need to reach out to a wider community about personal or family issues.<br><br>I've recently moved back to the town I grew up in and it's got me really thinking about my life. I have an NPC in my head that I imagine as some sort of satanic, hellish demon reminding me of every terrible thing I've done in the last 20 years. <br><br>This demon makes me feel worthless. It's still got me being a 10 year old that would distract a friend in a game so I could beat them. In that moment I really felt bad but it's been such a long time, there's no way it still affects that person.<br><br>This demon doesn't care. It shows me a montage of all the things I didn't do, the things I did do, the things I did wrong, it never stops. <br><br>I've recently been seeing an old friend from school again and he's making me feel like a shit friend for not staying in touch. I hear how his life has been and all the mistakes he's made and the choices he's regretted and I feel just as bad about my own life.<br><br>I don't know what I want to achieve in life anymore. I don't know what I want from a relationship anymore. All I want to do is play video games and avoid thinking about anything too deeply because that's the only time in my life that I'm not completely lost and alone in my thoughts.<br><br>I feel like I need some sort of catharsis. I just wish something would happen to me, anything, just make something happen so I can start to heal and let go of all this shit. <br><br>Sorry to dump all this on you but I feel like I only have chambers to turn to right now.