I am crying right now, because I miss my wife so much.

I am a 40 year old male, I have many things in my life that I thought I wanted, but none of it makes me happy. I am financially stable, but I still have to work, I live in a beautiful city with many things to see and do. I have spent my whole life doing the “right things”. Getting a good job, making money, travelling, trying to improve my own life. All I feel is that I have gotten further away from what I need. A wife to love me and support me, to stand alongside me against the world. I am a romantic, but not by my choice. I have never felt truly loved in my whole life, I have had to do everything just for myself. But I still want that love more than anything in the world. I feel like I am a ghost. A shadow of a person, who lives inside a body, someone who can never experience life like a “real” person. People think that I am lucky, that I have it great. I have everything I could possibly want, yet I don’t even know what a hug feels like. I am a complete stranger to the world. I am just someone who lives in the background. Nobody pays attention to me, I am just like a decoration on the side of life. I envy couples when I see them, I am jealous that they can experience something that I have never experienced in my whole life. Never knowing what it is like to have someone love me like that. I am a Roman Catholic, I pray for it every night, but it doesn’t come. I want to love someone with my whole heart, but no one wants to receive such love. I don’t know if I can stand living alone like this any longer.