I sexted my girlfriends dad for a year

I (38F) was living with my bf (39M) of 3 years. He has a daughter (23F, I'll call her M). M was an only child, and her mother died when she was 7. I was the closest thing she had to a mother figure in her life. <br><br>M was in her third year of college and was at school when she met her bf (25M). She told me about him, and how he was amazing, and how much she loved him. She lived with us over the summer before she graduated. I had 2 children in the past, and I knew she was an adult, but I still worried about her. I gave her a speech about giving her heart out too easy, and she promised me she didn't. When she went back to school, she told me that he loved her and wanted to marry her, and that she wanted the same with him. I knew her mind was made up, despite my reservations. She still hadn't met his family, but she said she didn't want to overthink it, and that they would get married no matter what. I know she loved him, but it was scary how far she was willing to go for him.<br><br>One day M texted me and told me she was pregnant, but that she wasn't going to keep it. I was crushed. I tried everything I could to get her to keep it, but she wouldn't. I tried to get her to reconsider, but she went through with the abortion. I was heartbroken.<br><br>M moved in with us again over the next summer, but she was more distant. She said she was tired of me judging her after she moved out for good, before she came back to live with us that fall after she went back to school. The last time she lived with us, I tried to give her space. I tried to let her live her life. I knew I wasn't her mother, but I still cared for her like she was. When November came around, I made her favorite meal for her birthday, and when she was finished, we talked for a bit. She told me she was going out with bf, and that I should go to bed.<br><br>She left around 8, and around 9, bf called me and told me that he and M were going on a trip. I wasn't surprised, she had done it before. He told me that he was in town, and he just wanted to say hi. I told him ok, after she called and told me what was going on, he came over. He told me M had gotten a job in another city, and they were moving there. I was shocked. I told him we needed to talk to her dad about it, but he said she was an adult, and that she could do what she wanted. I argued with him, but he just said that they had already made plans and that they were going to move no matter what. I tried to get him to leave, but he kept trying to get me to listen to him, and eventually I just stopped talking to him, and he left.<br><br>For the next year, I tried to get in contact with M, but it wasn't easy. She would only text me once every few months, and she never called me. I tried to call her, but bf would always answer, and tell me she was busy. I told her dad, but he didn't believe me. He told me I was overreacting, and that she was fine.<br><br>I was worried sick about her. I barely slept, and I stopped eating. I knew I had to get to her, no matter what. And then the texts started.<br><br>Bf started texting me, asking me if I wanted to sext with him. I told him I wasn't interested, and he said that if I didn't, he wouldn't let me talk to M. I didn't know what else to do, so I started sexting with him. He would send me pictures and videos, and I would do the same. I was disgusting with myself, but I would do anything to make sure M was ok. I knew I had to tell her dad, but I would be too embarrassed. I was ashamed of myself for doing what I was doing.<br><br>Everyday I would sext with him for hours. I could never go outside because whenever he wanted me to, I had to. I couldn't work anymore, and I barely slept or ate. I was a mess.<br><br>But the day before M went back to school, bf called me and told me that he was going to stop by, and that he wanted to see me. When he got there, I asked him if M was with him, but he said no. I was mad at him, but he just smiled at me and told me not to get mad, and to kiss him. I did, and he asked me if I wanted to go to the bedroom and have sex. I told him no, but he just kept pushing me to go. He grabbed me and pulled me to the bedroom, and he raped me. I cried and screamed, and he just told me to be quiet. He laughed the whole time he did it. He raped me for hours, until he left around 4. I bled for days after, and I couldn't walk for over a week.<br><br>I tell you this so you can understand what it's like to be me.<br><br>When her dad came home, I told him everything. He was horrified, but he knew we needed to get her away from him. We drove to her school, and when we talked to her, she didn't believe us at first. But when we told her about him sexting with me, she believed us. She cried and we hugged her, and told her that we loved her, and that we were sorry. I felt like the worst person in the world.<br><br>We went to the police and reported him, but he was gone. He's still missing, and I still can't sleep at night. Sometimes I wake up crying, and screaming. I still can't go outside without having flashbacks. I can't look at her dad anymore, because I know what I did. I'm disgusted with myself. I don't want to live anymore.<br><br>&#x200B;