Fellow redditors, i did it. i stole from Costco.

I tried, and I succeeded. I stole from Costco. Rules: my daughter had to come with me (ok), we have to use a cart (ok), and my daughter had to have a bag (ok). She is 7, so she was like a dog with a mission. She had a reusable bag with a few snacks and a bottle of juice in it. She walked in, the first thing out of her mouth was "Daddy, you can do it! I want that animatronic pet dragon!" So, I unsnapped the cart, folded it up and put it on my shoulder. The theft alarm (aka the gates of heaven) went off, and I acted like I wasnt sure why. The lady shook her head, smiled and said "sir, I have to scan your card." I acted like I was lost, "oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I thought I already paid. Did I not pay?" She smiled again, "no sir, you have to pay. I'm going to go get someone to assist you out of the store." I acted like I was upset, "I'm sorry - I don't have any money on me! I'm going to have to cancel my membership! My wife is going to kill me." The entire time, my daughter is hugging the back of my jeans. She is so serious, too, that she starts to cry. The lady looks at her and her eyes start to water. I've got them right where I want them. I turn to the lady, and whisper, "look, I'm not a bad person, but I just dont have hardly anything. Please, sir or ma'am, please let us go, I'll never come back." The lady starts to cry, my daughter starts to sob, and she says "ok, sir, please, just never come back. Please leave, and never come back." And with that, we walked away. I got two roses, a bottle of dish soap, and some Peanut Butter M&Ms. But, most importantly, my daughter and I got to live the high life for a short period of time. We are going to make a sandwich, and watch a movie together. I love Costco, and I would never steal from them in my right mind.