My husband says having kids was the worst thing that ever happened to him, but that we are having more.

#addtl info: We broke up, I got my tubes tied (I'm 37, he's 38), I got pregnant three times with an IUD, so I'm done with birth control. He wants to try for a baby now. <br><br>My husband and I have two children. A 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. They are the product of a miscarriage, an abortion, and three failed IUDs. I never wanted kids. Growing up, my dad wanted six kids. He had two, and both of us were girls, and he was furious. My childhood was miserable because I wasn't the boy he wanted, and I knew growing up I never wanted to torture my own kids. I met my ex when I was 24. I told him I never wanted kids. He told me I would make a great mom. I didn't realize he was trying to convince me to have kids with him until he cheated and left me for someone that wanted kids. I met my now husband at 27 and I explicitly stated no kids. <br><br>Fast forward to 32, my husband told me that the thought of me with another man made him sick, so we got married. After we got married, and he had put a cheating scare on me just for kicks, he began pressuring me for kids. He told me if I really loved him I'd give him kids. He told me I was incomplete without a baby. I got pregnant with our first kid and miscarried. He was beside himself. He wanted kids more than ever at that point. I gave in. When our baby was 18 months old, I got an IUD and asked him to stop having kids. <br><br><br>18 months later, I was pregnant again. I was considering abortion, and he told me not to think about it, money was no object and we would figure it out. I didn't realize he was serious. When the baby was born, he was furious that it was a girl and not a boy. He was making jokes about selling her and buying something useful. I was so hurt, and my post partum depression sky rocketed. Just a few months later, my IUD failed and I was pregnant again. I went to get an abortion, but my husband found out and called my parents and they all talked me into not getting one. I left my husband for three months while I was pregnant. I came back when the baby was 3 months old. When I got back, he told me he didn't want this baby, he wanted the abortion. But now that it's here, he was so grateful to have her. I looked at him like he was insane. He said he was so sorry and he didn't realize how hard it was and that our kids are the best thing that ever happened to him. <br><br><br>Flash forward to today, he's telling me over dinner that he can't imagine life without our kids and having them was the best decision we ever made. I was so confused. I asked him to remind me of when we made the decision to have kids, because I don't remember that. He said we definitely talked about it. I told him that wasn't true, and that I was raped by him and my parents when they convinced me not to abort my pregnancies. I told him having kids was the worst thing that had happened to me. He looked shocked, but he said he was so happy we have our babies. He grew up in a large family, he has five siblings. He wants six kids of his own. <br><br>We aren't financially stable enough to have six kids. Both of our kids have extreme medical issues, and our son needs a transplant in the next couple years. I'm so angry and hurt he's being so blasé about the fact that we already have kids. I'm angry he won't admit it WAS the worst decision. And I'm angry he wants more. I've been fighting tears all day because I'm just so overwhelmed. I don't know what to do.