I feel like I am regressing instead of getting better because of my parents

I am 21 years old and my life is a mess. I was born premature, had many complications when I was born, and have been very sensitive to anything for most of my life. I have had ear infections and tonsillitis for almost all of my childhood, and I am very susceptible to catching colds and having sinus infections. I have had a very difficult childhood and teenage years, and I have been constantly bullied and isolated. My parents have constantly been in argument about everything, and my father is a very abusive and toxic person. My parents constantly tell me that I should appreciate them because they have sacrificed so much for me. I have fallen into depression multiple times, and I am terrified of death. I am suicidal at times, and I feel like I am a burden on everyone.<br><br>My parents have constantly blamed me for their arguments, and my father has constantly called me a piece of shit and a waste of sperm. My mother constantly complains about how I am so sensitive to everything and how I should toughen up. My father has constantly compared me to my cousins, who are very successful and talented. I have tried to explain to my parents that I have a very hard time dealing with certain things, but they constantly dismiss me.<br><br>I have tried to improve myself and my situation, but it feels like I am constantly failing. I am currently in my last year of college, and I am barely passing. I am planning to join the army when I graduate, but I am terrified because I know that I am very sensitive and I do not know how I will handle it. My social skills are very lacking, and I have a very hard time interacting with people. I have few friends, and I am very isolated. I constantly feel like a burden on everyone, and I feel like I am failing constantly.<br><br>I feel like my parents have constantly shamed me and made me feel worthless. I have tried to explain to them that I have a very hard time dealing with certain things, but they constantly dismiss me. I feel like they have constantly blamed me for their arguments, and my father has constantly called me a piece of shit and a waste of sperm. I have tried to avoid confrontations with my parents, but they constantly find ways to argue with me and make me feel worthless.<br><br>I am feeling hopeless and trapped, and I do not know what else to do. I feel like my parents have constantly shamed me and made me feel worthless. I am constantly failing and regressing, and I do not know what else to do.