I'm tired and I want change

Some of you may have read my viral post on this sub about my husband being sick of my depression and I get comments asking how I'm doing. I'm doing better. I moved, I have a job, I've lost a bit of weight, I'm reading more and I'm finding joy in what I have. I'm not perfect but I'm trying.<br><br>I wrote a bit of a post on my personal chambers account about a day I had and I thought it would be good for here. I wanted to tell my story for anyone who feels like quitting because I know how hard it may feel. I feel like this sub can be a little strict but after being in the game for a few years now, I know that it's just people excited for change.<br><br>So here's my story on how becoming minimalist helped me change my life:<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>Shit just makes me feel tired and I don't know why<br><br>I have been feeling frustrated with the way my house is set up and how I handle tasks. After redecorating my kitchen, I cleaned everything in sight. I wiped down the counters, mopped the floors, gave my table a nice new coat of varnish and then I had to lay out all the junk that goes on the counters into categories to put it back.<br><br>I put back only what I wanted, which usually is like half the stuff. I took a three hour break (because I'm still very chronically ill) and came back to put everything away. I opened a cabinet to put something away and... everything in there was sticky. I opened another cabinet and it was the same thing. I climbed onto my table and reached into the high cabinet above the fridge and pulled down a big plastic tub and it was... sticky inside. I was so pissed because I had thought I cleaned everything. I had to take everything out of the cabinets and wipe it down again. But the problem was that I couldn't even tell what was sticky because it was sticky everywhere. I actually eventually found a sticky spot on one of my appliances that I missed. I took a clue pad to it and that's how I was able to find more spots. It was such a waste of time, but it's done now.<br><br>I did this before a year ago when I moved into a new house (it wasn't sticky this time) and I remembered having to lay everything out in categories and I just felt so tired. I felt so drained. I was sitting on the floor surrounded by junk and I just felt so pissed off. I thought, why am I dealing with this? Why do I have to deal with all this shit? I swear, I have so much less than I used to. But it still just feels like so much shit. And that's all it is, just useless shit that I don't even like.<br><br>I sat on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by my dirty laundry and I just felt like crying. I thought, why do I have so much stuff? Why do I have to deal with all of this? I don't want it, I hate all of it. I just want to be able to go about my day but instead, I'm trapped in this endless cycle of cleaning and maintaining all this junk I don't even like. <br><br>Minimalism isn't magic but it can feel like it<br><br>I remember when I first started becoming a minimalist. I read the life changing magic of tidying up and I just immediately started getting rid of everything. It was so freeing. It was like magic! I had this huge box of random stuff and I got rid of almost everything in it. I donated some things but I threw almost all of it away because it was useless. Sentimental items, broken things that I was going to "fix" (even if I didn't know how to), trash I kept just in case I could use it. It was all just useless junk that I didn't need. And when I got rid of it, I was like a new person. I felt like I was floating. It felt so good! So freeing! I felt like now I can really live and enjoy life and I did.<br><br>I felt like I had gained a new perspective and I realized that I wasn't really living. I was just shuffling around, wasting my time. I always thought that was just how life was. I had one professor in college tell me that I needed to get a grip on reality because this was how life was. We have to work to survive. I'm obviously not against working but he meant it more in a negative tone. Like, that's just how it is. But I refused to believe that. And I finally felt like I had my foot in the door. I was finally going to be able to live. <br><br>It's not magic, it's hard<br><br>But it's not magic. It's a lot of work to become a minimalist and maintain that. I want to feel like I'm floating again and I'm going to work towards that. I did have a bit of a realization. I have adopted habits that create more work for myself. I've always hated doing laundry because it's a lot of steps. So I decided to do it all at once. I do it all in one day once a week which usually requires me taking a nap in the middle of it because I'm exhausted. In reality, it would be a lot easier to just do one step every day. This way I wouldn't feel like I'm drowning in laundry. <br><br>Another thing is that I still have a lot of stuff. It's nowhere near what I used to have, but it's still a lot. I want less. I don't want to have to deal with all this useless shit anymore. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get rid of it because it's not worth my time. <br><br>It's okay to want out<br><br>So, if you're feeling the way I do, it's okay. It okay to be tired and want out. It's okay to question why you spend so much of your life dealing with useless stuff when you could be out living your life. And it's okay to change your life. You don't have to feel this way. You can change it. It's not going to be easy but I promise you it will be worth it. <br><br>Okay, that's all. Thank you