AITA for keeping my 5 year old cousins name a secret?

니s.answer is kinda complicated <br><br>My dad has three siblings. With that I have 4 cousins (3 girl cousins and a boy cousin) their ages range from 8 (my 2nd oldest cousin) to 15. I’ve always been close to them now the problem is my youngest cousin he recently turned 5. His name (let’s just call him Wilson for simplicity) is a name my dad wanted to give me if I was a boy. My dads side of the family constantly let me know that I would have been a boy if I was worthy of being their son. They would also bring up Wilson often as they think it would hurt my feelings I feel like my mom would put a stop to it if she knew but they only bring up when she’s not around. I took it as an attempt to hurt me and I decided if they were gonna bring him up this often they’d never here his name come from my lips. This was 5 years ago and they’ve been trying to get me to say it over the years but I never did. Then when i was 12 my grandmother and aunt went too far with their comments so I got even further away from them. <br><br>Recently my cousins are starting to notice that I never say Wilson’s name. Yesterday my aunt and grandmother confronted me asking me why. I told them it was their own damn fault. They tried to tell me it was childish but I don’t really care. So AITA for never saying his name?