Update: I (34m) literally just found email after email from my wife (33f) to her ex. She’s leaving in the morning and I have no idea what to do right now. I feel lost and everything just upside down.

First of all, thank you to everyone that reached out, it meant so much to see the amount of people that cared enough to comment and reach out, it really helped me get through those initial 24 hours. And to people that messaged me their stories, thank you.<br><br>Unfortunately, I wrote my original post on a burner chambers account and this one is my real one. It has a lot less Karma so I’m not sure if everyone that commented on my last thread will see this, but I wanted to update.<br><br>Life has been absolutely upside down, especially with entertaining the kids during the holiday. She played the part of the caring wife all weekend, and once the kids went to bed, she just went straight to her room and shut the door. In the car she would put her AirPods in and ignore me. I felt so alone, and I really had no one to talk to. It’s not like I could tell my family what was going on, or my friends, it would have made the situation worse.<br><br>She went to her mother’s house the day after Christmas, which really helped me because I didn’t have to pretend anymore, and oddly enough, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.<br><br>I dug deep into the emails, and I feel bad saying this, but I don’t think they’ve met up recently or anything, it was a lot of “I wish I could go back and try again” and “I still think about you”. I think she might have visited him in the fall of 2022, but that was it.<br><br>I hired a divorce lawyer, and they’re getting everything together, I’m just waiting on some more financial info, and then I’m going to serve her the papers. My lawyer said it would probably be a while, because it’s a contentious divorce (kids and assets). I reached out to a few realtors, and they’re all coming by this week, to give me valuations and what not, so hopefully that part of the process goes quickly.<br><br>I told my therapist what was going on, and he just said that he was sorry that it was coming to this, and that he’d help me through this process and beyond. I might end up going twice a week, because I still feel really lost, and when I’m alone, it’s just feels like everything is upside down. Oh, and he recommended against telling anyone that it was because of infidelity until the ink is dry on the divorce, which really hurt to hear, because I felt like the victim and needed to voice that. He made it very clear that it would be seen as vindictive and spiteful.<br><br>I told my closest friend, and surprisingly, he wasn’t that shocked. I don’t know if he’s just trying to help me feel better, but he told me that he always felt like something was “off”, and she always seemed very standoffish to him. He said he never mentioned it because it was just a feeling, and he didn’t want to strain my marriage.<br><br>I feel bad, because the only two people I’ve told are my therapist and my friend, and it feels like this huge secret that I’m keeping. It feels like I’m living a lie.<br><br>I told the kids that their mom needed some time and space, and they’re staying with a neighbor right now because she’s got the flu and doesn’t want to risk giving it to them. They are obviously upset, but they seem to be handling it as well as can be expected. My son (the 4 y.o.) keeps asking about mommy, and my daughter (7 f) just keeps asking why. I told her that sometimes mom and dad can grow apart.<br><br>Thank you to everyone that’s followed this story, it really helps me to get it all out in writing.