[UPDATE] My (29F) husband (34M) and no deal breakers. Literally no deal breakers. Completely unhinged. Any advice on what to do?

Yes I need advice. My husband is unhinged on the topic of me being single. Since yesterday’s post, I’ve gathered some more information. <br><br>My husband has never provided any evidence that I’ve ever dated, hooked up with, or even met with, the person who he is convinced is my “soulmate” before. He has shown me dozens of pictures of men that I’ve never met in my life, asked me if they are my soulmate or not. He has no evidence about me flirting with the male employee at the coffee shop, but has regularly accused me of not wanting to work with him because of how much I don’t love the male employees. <br><br>I’ve never been single in my life. My husband is not my first boyfriend. But he thinks that my true soulmate will be my “first love”. He refuses to address any of the name-calling, or the personal attacks he’s made on my appearance. He refuses to acknowledge that he was hitting me. <br><br>But now, I know why he’s so obsessed with me being single. It’s revealed itself in my therapy session.<br><br>The therapist started off by asking me if my husband ever physically harmed me. I said no because he didn’t. He hit me so that he could have sex with me, but not to hurt me, just to get off. He also only did it a few times, and he promised he would never do it again and he never did. I have no evidence of a history of violence. <br><br>The therapist knows I’m not following no contact. However, she agrees no contact is a good idea. I am not going to change her mind on that. She said that if I’m not going to follow no contact, I need to be more selective about when I contact him. She said that I’m making the situation worse by pushing him to talk to me when he’s not ready, and that I’m acting just as crazy as he is. She also noted that I’m still under a lot of stress and pressure from him, and it’s clouding my judgment. And she’s right. I am stressed. I am under too much pressure. And I am not thinking clearly. <br><br>I admitted that my husband has a history of OCD. I asked if his behaviour can be explained by his OCD, and the therapist agreed that his obsessive thinking can be a part of OCD. And she said that if I’m not going to follow no contact, I need to also stop pushing him to talk to me. She said I need to give him time. She asked how long I’m willing to wait, and I said I’m willing to wait forever. But she said forever doesn’t work in therapy, so what’s a time frame I’m willing to wait? I said a month. She asked how I was going to wait a month not talking to him, after contacting him so much in the past. I said I didn’t know. <br><br>She then asked me if I knew why my husband was doing this. She said I need to understand why he’s doing what he’s doing. I said I didn’t know why. She said she agrees with my previous therapist. She suspects that my husband has a fear of being cheated on. She said my husband probably has a deep rooted insecurity, and that it’s the cause of all of this. <br><br>She asked me if I know the source of this insecurity. I didn’t. So we brainstormed a list of everything that could be causing this fear. <br><br>1. Past infidelity. But he’s never brought up a past infidelity. <br>2. A fear of being cheated on because of his appearance. I said his appearance is totally normal. Not the best looking but he’s totally normal. She asked if I ever told him that he’s attractive. I said yes but she said that’s not the same thing, a woman saying that her husband is attractive is not the same thing as saying he’s hot. I said well I’ve never said that. She asked if I’ve never said he’s hot. And I said no because I haven’t. She also asked if I’ve never called him hot. And I said no. I’ve never called him hot. <br><br>The therapist then tried to convince me to tell my husband he’s hot. But I’m not going to tell someone they’re hot if they’re not. And no, I’m not going to lie to him. <br><br>She also agrees I need to stop contacting him no matter what and let him have space. And she said I’m not thinking clearly because I’m so stressed out, and I need to take a step back. <br><br>I got home, and my husband texted me. At first I tried to ignore him, but it didn’t last very long. We started arguing, and I told him the therapist thinks he has a deep rooted insecurity. He asked what kind of insecurity. I said she thinks you have a fear of being cheated on. He laughed maniacally and said “I don’t have a fear of being cheated on, I know you’re going to cheat on me”. He then accused me of flirting with the employee. I told him to fuck off and I said I’m not flirting with him, I’m just being nice. He then asked if I’ve ever told him he’s hot. And he said no I haven’t. I said yes I’ve told you you’re hot. He said I’ve never said that. I said I’ve told you, and you know I have. He said no. <br><br>Then I got angry. I told him I’ve never said he’s hot because he doesn’t look hot. I said he doesn’t look unattractive, he’s totally normal looking but he’s never looked hot to me. He stopped responding. <br><br>I didn’t hear back from him for a few hours, so I thought he was going to ignore me. But he texted me, and was acting normal. He asked me how my day was. I said it was bad, and he asked why. I didn’t know why but part of me wanted him to know. Part of me wanted him to know that he hurt me when he accused me of cheating and called me ugly. I wanted him to know how much he hurt my feelings when he said that. I wanted him to feel bad. I wanted him to feel guilty. I wanted him to feel bad for hurting me. I wanted him to feel bad for no deal breakers. I wanted him to feel bad for hitting me to have sex with me.<br><br>So I told him. I told him that the therapist said that he probably has a deep rooted insecurity. I told him that the therapist thinks he probably has a fear of being cheated on. I told him that I told the therapist I think it’s just his OCD. I told him that the therapist said he probably has an insecurity and that’s why he’s doing what he’s doing. I told him that I don’t think that’s true. I told him that I’m not worried about his insecurities. I told him that I’m worried about my own insecurities. I told him that he hurt my feelings. I told him that he made me cry. I told him that he made me feel bad. <br><br>He didn’t respond. I didn’t hear back from him for hours. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t. I was worried. I was worried that he was going to ignore me. I was worried that I hurt him. <br><br>Around 1am, he finally responded. He said he’s not ignoring me, he’s just not ready to talk. I asked when he’s going to be ready to talk. He said he doesn’t know. I said well how long are you going to ignore me? I don’t want to wait forever. I’m not going to wait forever. And he said “well maybe that’s what you should have thought about before you married me”. He then blocked me. <br><br>So now I’m worried. I’m worried because he’s never blocked me before. I’m worried because I don’t know what he’s going to do. I’m worried because I hurt him. <br><br>I’m still not following no contact. But I’m giving him space. I’m going to wait. I’m going to give him the space and time he needs. I’m going to wait for him to talk to me. I’m going to wait for him to be ready. I’m going to be patient. <br><br>No more obsessive checking. And no more contacting him until he’s ready. <br><br>But I still need advice. How can I explain to him that I’m not going to wait forever?