It's been 3 years since my husband cheated and I still haven't forgiven him.

My husband and I were together for about 8 years at the time (married for 4).<br><br>He decided to go on a work "trip" in the city (a 2 hour drive away). He has never taken the time to do that before, and after the first night he claimed he was lonely. I offered to pack our son up and bring him but he told me he missed me, and he decided I should come. I was very excited to see him and decided to drive there. Got there, and he was in the bathtub. I immediately felt bad, he was in the tub and I drove all this way to see him and now he can't see me. My dumb ass decided to get in. In the tub. With him. I sat in front of him, and he quickly had me turn around and sit on his lap. My dumb ass decided to leave my underwear off. That's right, did all this, left my underwear off. He quickly had me turn back around, and he went down on me. I decided he did a great job and I wanted more. I got out of the tub, put my towel on, sat on the bed, and minutes later he came out, lifted my towel, and was inside me. I remember it being awkward, and he asked if I was okay. I shook my head no. He stopped. But I asked him to continue and he did, later saying it was uncomfortable because I wasn't wet. It was super painful and he asked multiple times if I was okay and he even stopped at one point, but I told him to continue. He did. He went to the fridge to throw out my dinner (I packed myself a dinner because we weren't going to be together until the following night, and he didn't want to wait) and he came back and told me I was bleeding. I was shocked. I realized he was right, and that he had hurt me. I cried.<br><br>I asked if he had a condom and he said yes, he had them right there, why didn't he wear one? He said he didn't think about it. I asked if he was okay, he said yes. I told him to tell me the truth. He shook his head and said no, I'm not okay. He was in a lot of pain. I told him to take a bath and he went to the shower and took one. I laid in the bed with the towel on, and he came out after about 30 minutes, and I told him he did a great job and I wanted more. He said he couldn't, it hurt too much. He asked if I had a std panel. I said yes. He asked if he had a std panel. I said yes. He asked when I got mine. I said 2018. He said that's too long ago, take one again in the morning. I told him no, I'm not going without you. He told me to go without me and he would come to the doctor to get one. I agreed. I went to the doctor the next morning SUPER early (before they even opened) and got an std panel. Then I left, and went to get breakfast. I called him and told him I was done. He said that's great, and I was going to have to give them his name so they could contact him. I told him that's fine.<br><br>Later that morning he came to the doctor. I picked him up. I told him I was scared, I was so scared, I couldn't focus at work. He told me to just go home and relax. I agreed and took the rest of the day off. We got to the doctor and I told them his name and gave them his phone number. They said they would give us results back in a week. I dropped him off at the hotel and went home. The next day I called him. I asked him if he was okay. He said no, he was in extreme amounts of pain. I asked if he had a UTI, he told me he went to urgent care and they gave him antibiotics. He also said he had a yeast infection. I told him to take the antibiotics and tell me how he feels. He said it wasn't going to work. He said he was going to go to the hospital and have them test him for everything. I asked why and he said he didn't trust me. He said he was going to have them test him for everything, and then he was going to have them test me for everything. I told him no I was not comfortable with him doing that, and he told me it was his choice and if I didn't want to do it, he was going to break up with me. I knew he was in pain and I figured I can just go, and it's a little uncomfortable, but if it will make him feel better, I'll do it. I agreed. He went to the hospital, I got the call from the doctor a few days later, and picked him up from the hotel. He was still in pain, so he came home with me.<br><br>Once we got home, he was super quiet. I kept asking if he was okay, and he said yes. I made dinner, and he didn't eat it. I asked if he was okay, he said yes. He went to our bedroom, and I went after. He was sitting on the bed looking at his phone, and I sat next to him. He showed me the text from the doctor. I cried. We hugged. He looked at me and said "I have gonorrhea". I cried more. He hugged me again. I cried more. He kept hugging me and I kept crying. I told him I was sorry. He told me to look at him. I did. He told me he was sorry. We hugged again. I cried again. I looked at him again and he told me it was not my fault and he was sorry, and that I was the only person he cares about and he did this to us, and he was sorry. I cried again, and I told him I was sorry too. He told me no, he was sorry. I asked if he wanted to break up. He said no, I love you. I told him I love him. He hugged me. I cried.<br><br>We both finally calmed down. I asked if he was okay, he told me yes. He told me to sit on the bed. I did. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled. He asked me to take off my clothes, I did. He took off his clothes. We sat on the bed together, and he told me no matter what, he will always love me. I told him yes, and I will always love him. We hugged. We had sex. It hurt. He stopped and asked if I was okay. I told him yes, go on. He did. Later he told me he was sorry, and that was not the right way to do it. That he should have waited, and did it right. I told him it was okay, I just missed him. He smiled.<br><br>The next week, we went back to the doctor together, and they told us we both have gonorrhea. (Neither of us had it before)<br><br>It's been 3 years since that day. I still haven't forgiven him. I still don't trust him.<br><br>Edit: people keep asking if I got treatment. I was prescribed a shot in each leg and told to take a pill. I did that. It cleared it up.