My (28F) bf (40M) kicked me out because of pain over losing his son and now won't let me come back to make sure I’m safe

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and due to personal issues I was living with him. My mom died last year and I decided to move to another country for a change of scenery. I found this place to live that was quite cheap and because I was broke after paying for my mom’s funeral. It turned out this place was a drug front and I didn’t have money to leave so I was stuck living there for a few months. I was pretty depressed and lost a lot of friends after my mom died because they hang out in the same places our family used to hang out and it reminded them too much of her so they blew me off. So I was mostly alone. As there was no other place to sleep than the couch I was often on the property so I got to know the guys who sold drugs there. I was quiet and they felt sorry for me and so they would pick me up for parties. In return I would sell drugs there once or twice a month. I didn’t have a job and they’d pay me well and I could pay my rent so I could live. I was pretty embarrassed by all this and I never told my bf any of this. <br><br>I met him at work. I’d gotten a job at a blemished warehouse and he was one of the team leads. We got along and I found his kindness soothing. He had a lot of sandwiches because of his height and I enjoyed defending him. He was so pretty inside and out and I knew he didn’t deserve all the jokes he got. When I moved away from that drug house he asked me out and I said yes. He had a bad past, his son had died when he was 15 and my bf was 35, about 5 years ago. He told me all about his son and I loved listening to the stories. I fell in love with him and I knew I had to tell him about my past. I didn’t feel right keeping it from him.<br><br>After two months of dating he wanted to spend the night with me for the first time and I was so nervous. I knew I had to tell him then and he got really mad. He yelled and called me a thief and accused me of also sleeping with one of our coworkers, because he had a feud with him. I cried so much and he kicked me out. He only calmed down today and welow n he’s sorry. He wants me to give him space and only interact because he needs to make sure I’m safe. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen him act like that before. I’m not at risk of suicide or self harm but this whole thing sent me into deep depression. What’s the next step I should do? I feel so lost. <br><br>Tldr: I didn’t tell my bf I used to live with a drug house and now he hates me<br><br>Update: I’m good. I came home yesterday and he’s calmed down a little. It was a bad weekend and he’s in therapy now. He’s trying to work through things. I just need a little time to come back to myself.