I think I've literally lost my will to live.

I'm not suicidal. I don't hate myself. I don't hate life. I love my life. I'm not depressed. But I'm so fucking tired of all of the bullshit that comes with being alive as a human. Especially when nobody else seems to take it seriously. I'm exhausted, and I just want to sleep. For a very long time.<br><br>I've been watching David Attenborough documentaries about the ocean and have just begun Season 2. I used to love the ocean. I've always loved the ocean, more than anything else in the world. It's what inspired me to pursue a career in science. It's what inspired me to design my own major in college and virtually hand pick my classes that get me closer to my goal. I want to save the ocean. I want to preserve it's beauty for generations to come, so they can see zebras lobsters and flasher wrasse for themselves. So they can discover new species of jellyfish like I did for the first time today. I want them to have the chance to go on a snorkeling trip to Palau and see all of its untouched grandeur. I want them to have the chance to see fish the way they're meant to be seen, thriving in their natural habitat.<br><br>I want to do all of these things. I want to finish college and enter a field that is notoriously underpaid and overworked. But I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. Tired of seeing people throw trash out of their windows and into the ocean. Tired of seeing people eat at fast food chains that serve their food in Styrofoam containers, which they'll inevitably dispose of immediately after finishing their meal. Tired of seeing people purchase plastic water bottles thinking that your $2 is helping the environment when in reality you're just contaminating the soil. Tired of seeing people purchase pointless shit that they'll throw away after a month or two and seeing it pile up in landfills. Tired of seeing people talk about how much they love the ocean and want to save the turtles, yet they still drink out of plastic water bottles. Tired of people that don't care enough to make a change.<br><br>I've literally cried while watching these documentaries because I'm just so tired and so touched by the beauty of the ocean. I want to help. I want to fix it. I want to preserve it for my future children and grandchildren, for them to discover and love just as much as I do. But I'm tired. I just want to sleep. I'm tired of crying.