I don't love you, I love what you've done for me

I had my heart broken a few years ago. I was young and inexperienced, he was the only guy I'd ever dated and was the first and only man I'd ever slept with. He was over twice my age. He only wanted me for what he could do for him. He wanted me as a doormat, and I was initially happy to be, out of a misplaced loyalty and guilt for the situation he was in. He convinced me to take on debt for him, let him live in my house, pay for all of his living expenses, spend every waking moment with him, sleep with him, do anything he asked without complaint. He convinced me that I'm supposed to listen to him and obey him because he knew what was best for me. He convinced me that I was a burden on my family, and that they would hate me if they knew the truth of the situation. He had me convinced that I would be nothing without him, and that I would never be loved again if he left me. He convinced me that I was repulsive, and that he was the only person in the world who could stand to look at me.<br><br>When he left me, I finally had some time to think about what had happened to me. I realized that he was abusive, and that I'm not the worthless hag he had convinced me I was. I realized that I'm not alone, and that the people who love me would never break my heart the way he did. I realized that I'm not responsible for his wellbeing, and that I am allowed to move on with my life. I realized that I'm not the doormat he convinced me I was. I realized that I am not what he had convinced me to be.<br><br>I got my heart broken, but I healed in the end. I love him, but I love what he did for me more. I love what I have learned from him. I love who I have become. I love my strength, my resilience, my bravery, and my continued ability to find love and joy in a world that often seems to care very little for me. I have you to thank for that. So thank you. Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without you.<br><br>Edit: I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the comments, awards, and PMs. I'm so happy to see this is resonating with other people who have been through similar situations. Remember that you are strong and capable of healing, no matter what has happened. You are not alone. There is always help to be found when you're ready for it.