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With your kind, outstretched hands, you help me lift my backpack over my shoulders. You pull my hair out of the collar, and I can’t help but lean back into your hands and let them rest there. We’re standing in the parking lot now, by the bus that we caught from this dingy little travel agency in Naples that took us to the Amalfi coast. Two hours, maybe more, and we’re here. You took a nap on the bus. I don’t know how you could sleep through all those hairpin curves where the bus sways, like a sailboat. I never got seasick, but car sick once, and it was bad. I was a kid. <br><br>You’re moving your hands through my hair, and I can’t help but feel good. I stopped feeling good a long time ago, but here I am, sitting on a bus, with a man I don’t even know, and he’s making me feel good. I need to get back to feeling good, even if it’s for a short while. <br><br>I’m moving out of your hands though, and you never know how long a good feeling is going to last, so we want to make it last as long as we can. We set off down the road, and there are lemons and olives trees, but the lemons aren’t ripe yet. It’s early March, and I’m finally in Italy. The one thing that I never thought I’d have the guts to do, and I’m doing it. <br><br>“Hey, you want to stop for some pizza before we go down to the water?” That sounds good. We stopped for pizza in Naples. I’ve never been a big pizza eater, but after this trip, I might just move to Italy and become a professional pizza eater. <br><br>We’re sitting at a small table, and the pizza is so good, and your hands keep brushing against mine, and I don’t pull away. I want to feel your hands, and I want to feel good. <br><br>I don’t really remember how we got to the beach. I think we had some wine after lunch, and we walked and walked along the coast. We saw the views, the ocean, the town below, and we had a bottle of wine. Your eyes were red, and your hands kept brushing mine. Sometimes, I thought they were just grazing my shirt, but it was purposeful, and I could tell, because I kept my hands close, on purpose, and I could feel your fingers. <br><br>I don’t really remember walking down the stairs to the water. The sun was setting, and it was cool. There was a breeze. It felt nice to be that close to the ocean. When we were kids, we would sit on the beach, feet in the water, and feel the waves wash over our feet. Sometimes, we’d get knocked over, and we’d laugh and laugh. You never know how long a good feeling is going to last, so we want to make it last as long as we can. <br><br>Standing on the beach, the waves are washing over our feet, and the sun is setting. I’m looking over at the water, and I can see forever. I never thought that I could say that, but I can. Far, far out, the water and the sky meet, and I can see forever.<br><br>Tony, you’re standing behind me, and you’re holding my hair back. I’m still looking out at the water, and the sun is setting, and I can see forever. I feel something, but I’m not really sure what it is. <br><br>You’re working my hair into a ponytail, and I’m still feeling something, but I’m not really sure what it is. Your hands are on my shoulders, and you’re pulling me back into you. Your arms are around my waist, and I can feel your heart beating into my back. You’re warm. I never like to be warm, but I do right now. <br><br>Your hands aren’t on my waist any more, and they’re tracing my jaw, pulling my head back into you. Your lips are on my neck, and I can feel your warm breath. The breeze is blowing over the water, and the sun is setting. I can see forever. <br><br>You’re kissing me, and we’re outside. I see the couple on the beach, that have their arms around each other, and they’re looking out at the water. I want to be them. I didn’t know that I wanted to be them, but now I do. Your lips on my neck feel like home. <br><br>Your hands are on my shoulders, and you’re spinning me around. Your arms are around my waist again, and you’re pulling me into you. I can feel your warmth, and I’m not moving away. You’re pushing my hair away, and your mouth is on mine. We’re kissing, and the sun is setting, and I can see forever. Sometimes, you don’t know how long a good feeling is going to last, so you want to make it last as long as you can. <br><br>You’re holding me back from you, and we’re looking at each other. My hands are on your chest, and you’re looking at me, and you’re smiling. <br><br>“How long has it been for you?” You ask. Too long. I don’t say that though. I just shake my head. You’re smiling more. You’re pulling me back into you, and your mouth is on mine. We’re standing on the beach, and the sun is setting. I can see forever. <br><br>We’re kissing, and I can feel your warmth. You’re pushing my hair back, and you’re pulling me toward the water. We’re in the water, and I can feel it moving between us. The breeze is blowing over the water, and you’re kissing me. Your hands are holding me, and you’re moving them over my body. Your fingers are tracing my jaw, and you’re kissing me. <br><br>You’re holding my face, and you’re looking at me. I’m looking back at you. We’re standing in the water, and we’re looking at each other. “I don’t want to hurt you,” you say. I shake my head. I don’t want you to hurt me either, but I want to feel good. I haven’t felt good in a long time. <br><br>Your mouth is back on mine, and your hands are moving over my body. Your fingers are tracing my jaw, and you’re moving down. You’re pulling my hair back, and your mouth is on my neck. Your fingers are on my waist, pulling me into you. I can feel you pushing against me, and your warmth. We’re in the water, and the waves are washing over us. You’re holding me, and we’re looking at each other. <br><br>You’re spinning me around, and my back is to you. Your hands are on my waist, and you’re pulling me into you. I can feel you pushing against me, and your breath is on my neck. Your mouth is on the back of my neck, and my hands are on your arms. You’re moving my hair back, and your lips are on my neck. Your fingers are tracing my jaw, and you’re moving them down. <br><br>“Oh fuck,” you say, and your hands are moving over my body. Your fingers are tracing my jaw, and you’re moving them down. Your mouth is on the back of my neck, and your hands are moving over my body. Your fingers are in my hair, and you’re pulling my head back. Your mouth is on my neck, and your hands are moving over my body. <br><br>You’re pushing against me, and I can feel your warmth. Your mouth is on my neck, and your hands are moving over my body. The waves are washing over us, and your fingers are tracing my jaw. You’re moving them down, and your lips are on my neck. Your fingers are in my hair, and you’re pulling my head back. Your mouth is on my neck, and your hands are moving over my body. <br><br>You’re pulling me back into you, and we’re looking at each other. Your arms are around my waist, and you’re holding me. Your lips are on mine, and your hands are moving over my body. <br><br>“I just need you to feel good,” you say. I shake my head. I don’t want to feel good. I want to feel again. I want to be alive. I want to see forever. <br><br>Your mouth is back on mine, and your hands are moving over my body. Your fingers are tracing my jaw, and you’re moving them down. Your lips are on my neck, and your fingers are in my hair. You’re pulling my head back, and your mouth is on mine. We’re looking at each other, and your fingers are tracing my jaw. <br><br>You’re smiling, and your arms are around my waist. You’re pulling me into you, and your lips are on mine. We’re standing in the water, and the waves are washing over us. The breeze is blowing over the water, and the sun is setting. I can see forever. <br><br>We’re standing on the beach, and the waves are washing over our feet. We’re looking out at the water, and the sun is setting. You’re holding my hair back, and your fingers are tracing my jaw. You’re moving them down, and your warm breath is on my neck. <br><br>I haven’t been happy in a long time. I’m not sure if I even remember what happy feels like. But right now, standing on the beach with you, looking out at the water, I think I’m happy. Maybe I’m not happy, but I feel good. <br><br>And that’s all I wanted. <br><br>I wanted to feel good, even if it’s for a short while.