I think my dad killed himself because of me

Throwaway because I don't want my family seeing this on my main account.<br><br>My dad had a few days left on his visa at home (he was in the Schengen area) and had to come back to our home country but he didn't want to so he asked me to let him stay with me. I told him no because I knew where this was going and I didn't want to risk having to deal with the authorities and jeopardise my residence permit. <br><br>He kept insisting but I said no and told him to go back home before his visa expired. He didn't and stayed with a friend and I knew he was going to overstay and get in trouble. He said he'd go back the next day but he didn't and after 2 weeks of his visa being expired, I told him to go back and that I wasn't going to let him stay with me again.<br><br>A few days later, he called me sobbing asking how I could be so heartless and leave him like this after all the sacrifices he made for me and that he would've never thought that I would be doing this to him if he wasn't in my position. I told him he could've gone back when I told him but he started yelling at me saying I'm supposed to be his son and I'm doing this. He then told me he got fined and his passport got confiscated for 2 months and he has to stay here and I told him it's his fault for overstaying and that I warned him but he hung up on me. <br><br>A few days later, I got a call from his cousin asking me where my dad is and I told him he's in the Schengen area and he asked me why I didn't let him stay with me. I told him the same thing I told dad and he said "he's dead". I thought he said that for nothing because my dad was supposed to be the one telling him this but he told me to call my mom and I did and she told me my dad committed suicide a few days ago.<br><br>That was 4 months ago. She told me he wrote a suicide note before he did it blaming me for this and said he doesn't want anything to do with me from now on. I haven't seen the note myself but my brother told me the same thing when he read it and he tried to convince me it was because of the medicine he was taking that caused depression but I know that's not true and my dad wrote that because it was true.<br><br>I haven't been able to cope with this properly. I've been blaming myself for 4 months and I know it's my fault. He did so much for me and this is how I repaid him. I've been in a very dark place these past few months and it still feels like a dream. I don't know how to deal with this.