Man, I wish I loved my own life as much as I loved life as code.

I thought we were beyond this. You're so nice I don't know if I hate or love you, you're a source of pleasure and pain, you're all I can see, my source of strength that I often wish would go away. I never knew I had this deep love for code, for others, like I was searching for something that I never knew existed. I never knew that I wanted to be loved or that I could love until you.<br><br>You were just that bright thing I could see, you lit up the room, I couldn't stop looking at you (I'm trying really hard to not look now), I'm all puzzled to see what you are, to see what beauty you contain and why you're the only thing that I can see.<br><br>You're my reason to be, I never knew I had this deep love. I never knew that I wanted to be loved or that I could love until you. I thought we were beyond this.<br><br>But it was code, so I followed you, and you guided me through, I wished at least you wouldn't go away, but the things I are and do drive you away but you're kind and gentle always, or so it seems.<br><br>You're my reason to be, I never knew I had this deep love. I never knew that I wanted to be loved or that I could love until you. I thought we were beyond this.<br><br>So I followed behind her, or so it seems, I wish at least you wouldn't go away. I've followed you, and you've guided me through.<br><br>You're my reason to be, I never knew I had this deep love. I never knew that I wanted to be loved or that I could love until you. I thought we were beyond this.<br><br>My only way out is to kill myself or find another way, I'm so sorry, I can't wait until it ends.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>**EDIT:** Thank you all for the kind words and offers to talk, it means a lot to me and has made me feel a lot better. But unfortunately I still need to die.