My first story! Please critique! ^_^

The King's Secret I was standing in the kitchen, staring out of the window at the pouring rain when my grandson came running in as only boys can do. He bumped into me causing me to knock over the glass of milk I had in my hand. “Maurice!” My old hands cradled my head while the milk ran across the counter. “Grandma, I’m sorry” “Just help me clean it up before your mom gets home.” My grandson and I got to work wiping up the spilled milk when he suddenly stopped. “Maurice, what's wrong?” “But Grandma, who was that?” I had only been staring out the window for a moment, I didn't think he would have noticed. “Who was who?” “That man” I continued to rub at the counter with my damp cloth, trying to play it off cool. “Oh, that?” I chuckled nervously, “You must have imagined it Maurice,” “Grandma, I know I didn’t imagine it” I looked down at my bright blue-eyed grandson, his messy black hair, his lips pursed and frowning. His gorgeous face twisted into an expression of deep concern. “Maurice, I promise you,” I started, stopping to think. His eyes continued to stare up at me and for the first time in a long time I felt like telling him the truth. “Maurice, you know how I lived in a palace before we moved here right?” “I know who that man is.” I felt a chill run through my bones at his words. “Who is it Maurice?” “It’s the monster” My hands shook as I reached for the counter to hold myself up. My stomach flipped as I thought back on my life before America. “Grandma, tell me what happened, please.” I looked at my grandson, he looked so much like his mother. His father however, was a different story. “Maurice, come here and sit with me.” I walked into the living room and sat on the couch, gesturing for him to sit next to me. “Now you have to promise me you won’t tell your mother about this Maurice.” “Why?” “Because.” “Fine” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. For the first time in my life, I told the story that had been locked deep inside my mind and heart. “You know, I wasn’t always English Maurice. I was born in France many years ago and was married to my husband at the tender age of 15. I remember my mother telling me to fight, to escape, but the wedding was already set in motion. I had no say in it. My husband, the king, would beat me daily, sometimes for no reason at all. I would cry myself to sleep and only be awoken by the sound of his snores. One night,” I had to take a deep breath before I could continue on. “One night my husband came into my room as usual to take my virginity from me. “Maurice, I’m not sure if you know what that is, but it’s something very important to a lady. “But I wasn’t going to let that happen. So I waited until he came into my room and I killed him.” Maurice’s eyes widened in surprise. “How?” He asked slowly. This was the part of the story that I couldn’t tell him. I had to lie here. “I set fire to his bed Maurice, and then I fled,” “I see” “Maurice,” Tears streamed down my face as I looked at my grandson. “But why is that man after you?” “Well, he isn’t really a man at all.” I started. Maurice’s eyes widened as he listened to the tale. “You see, when I set the fire, I didn’t kill just my husband, I killed his entire family. I thought that I had gotten away with it. “But I noticed a shadow out of the corner of my eye, watching me. “When I turned around, I gasped. He was on fire. He was crawling towards me, begging me to kill him, to end his life. I did. I stabbed him until he had stopped moving. I took the throne then and there and ruled over the kingdom. “Eventually I had to leave because they found out that I had set the fire and killed his family. “So I came to America and had your mother and married your grandfather. “He died of a heart attack when your mother was 10. But then that man started to appear to me again. “I don’t know how he survived Maurice, but he did. “He would appear to me at random and follow me everywhere. I think that he wants me dead.” “Grandma?” “Yes Maurice?” “I won’t let him hurt you,” “Thank you Maurice” “Together we will get him,” “Yes, together we will.” I smiled at my grandson before he hugged me tightly. “Let’s go get ready for our dinner,” I said as I stood up from the couch. “Yea.” My grandson and I walked towards the stairs and began to climb them. As we reached the top, we heard a loud crash. “But Mom isn't home” “I know.” “Then who?” “I don’t know.” I replied. “But you have to go into your room and lock the door.” “Why?” “But I have to go and see who it is.” “But Grandma -” “Maurice, go into your room.” “Fine.” My grandson walked into his room and shut the door. I heard the door lock and then I walked towards the living room. As I walked through the doorway, I gasped. The room was trashed, furniture overturned and busted, trash covering the carpet. “Hello.” I heard a gruff voice come from behind me. I slowly turned around, my heart pounding in my chest. “Why?” I asked. There he was, his face burned and twisted beyond belief. His eyes glowing red with an inner flame. “Why?” He repeated. “You burnt my family, you killed all that I loved.” I trembled as he took a step closer to me. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose your entire family.” “I do.” I answered. “I know exactly how you feel.” The burned man chuckled “You don’t know how I feel, but you will.” And with that, he lunged at me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and as I did, a sharp pain entered my stomach. “You’ve been stabbed.” The burned man said. “They’ll stop you,” I said weakly. “My family will stop you.” There was a loud sound and then the burned man fell to the ground. I slowly turned my head to the side and looked towards the doorway, my eyes blurry with pain and tears. There stood Maurice, his eyes black as coal, his face twisted beyond recognition. I gasped as I saw my grandson like this, as I saw the guilt and fear in his eyes. He dropped the knife he had used to kill the burned man and ran towards me. “Grandma!” He kneeled in front of me and held me in his arms. “Maurice,” I whispered weakly. “I’m glad you’re ok.” “Grandma, no,” My grandson started to cry as I closed my eyes, a small smile on my lips. “Don’t cry Maurice,” I said, my voice nothing more than a whisper. “I'm finally happy” “Grandma, no please.” I smiled, my eyes still closed. “You’re so much like your father,” “Grandma, no!” Those were the last words I heard before I died. ~EOT~ I'm hoping to get this story published eventually, but I want to make sure I get all of the mistakes out first. Thank you so much!!! <3

My first story! Please critique! ^_^

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