The first time I tried heroin I was raped.

This is a story I’ve never told anybody. It’s embarrassing. It’s not fun to talk about. I’ve never told a therapist. I’ve never even told my sponsor. It’s shameful and I’ve never wanted to talk about it before today. I was 22 years old when I first tried heroin. At the time, I was on methadone. I had been on methadone for almost five years. I was high one night and I was at my dealer’s house with some other people. It was my boyfriend, my dealer, my dealer’s girlfriend, and his best friend. We were hanging out and he had heroin. I saw him shoot up and I was curious. I had already been on methadone, so I thought I knew what heroin felt like. I didn’t know that heroin is a much bigger high than methadone. I wasn’t planning on getting high. I didn’t have money to spend on drugs. But, they convinced me to try it. They told me they would give me a hit. I didn’t inject it. I smoked it. I was given a hit, and I was told how to smoke it. I don’t remember much after that. I remember being helped outside to the car and not being able to walk very well. I was brought back to my boyfriend's mother’s house. I don’t remember anything else until I woke up the next day. I was on the couch and my boyfriend was laying in the bed in his room. I was confused. I had no idea how we got to his mother’s house. I had no idea what happened. I remember being really sick and confused. I had no idea what was going on. I was laying on the couch and I was sick to my stomach. I remember throwing up in the kitchen sink. Nobody helped me. Eventually, his mother came home from work. She walked in to find me throwing up in the sink. I will never forget the look on her face. She was so upset and so angry. She asked me what was wrong with me. She helped me outside and had me lay down in the car. She took me to my car and made my boyfriend drive me home. She called me later that day and asked me what happened. I told her I smoked heroin. She called my parents and told them. She told them everything. My parents were furious. They called me and yelled at me. I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused and sick. I didn’t even know how I managed to drive home. I was so out of it, I don’t even remember driving. I don’t remember anything after that until two days later. I remember laying in bed at my parent’s house. I had no idea how I got there. I was so confused again. I got out of bed and went downstairs. I called my boyfriend. He said he picked me up from his mother’s house and took me to my parent’s house. I don’t remember anything from that. I remember laying in bed for two more days. I was confused and sick. I remember my parents coming in and asking me if I was okay. I didn’t fully come out of it until four days later. It took me four days to feel better and not feel so out of it. I would never touch heroin. I went back on methadone and stayed on it for six more years. Fast forward six years. I’m off of methadone and sober for a year, I’m at my dealer’s house again. I was hanging out with him for a few hours and I was getting ready to leave. My dealer and I used to be friends. We weren’t friends anymore, but we were still talking. I decided I wanted to get high again. I was thinking about trying heroin. I didn’t remember it being bad. I was curious. I didn’t have money to spend on heroin, but I could get some from him. My dealer had been my friend for years. I knew he was a good person and he would give me a hit. So I asked him for a hit. He asked me if I was sure. He told me that I got really sick last time and I might not want to do it. I told him I was sure. He gave me a hit. He told me how to smoke it and helped me outside. I don’t remember anything after that. I woke up a couple hours later. This time, I wasn’t confused. I was scared and sad. I knew something was wrong. I was laying on my dealer’s bed. I had no idea how I got there. I didn’t hit myself. I had no pants on. I had no underwear on. I got up and I walked outside. My dealer and his girlfriend were outside. I asked them what happened. He told me that I smoked the heroin and I passed out. He said he carried me inside. He said that while he was carrying me inside, his girlfriend tried to pull my pants off. He said that he took my pants off and put me on the bed. He told me that I started hitting on his girlfriend. He said I was flirting with her. He said that she flirted back and they went into the bedroom together. He said that I came in the bedroom and hit on her. I was flirting with her and trying to get her to have sex with me. He said I pulled my pants off and I got into bed with them. He said they had sex with me. He said that I was into it. That’s what I was told. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t believe him. I didn’t want to believe him. I didn’t know if it was true or not. I never went back to his house again. It took me nine months to actually acknowledge what happened to me. I never went to the police. I didn’t know what to do. I’m writing this post today because I just started thinking about it. I’m thinking about if for the first time in years. I don’t know what to think. I don’t even know how I feel. I feel weird. I was raped. Heroin is a very dangerous drug. I never talk about it. I don’t like to talk about it at all. I’m just thinking about it now. **TLDR:** I was high on heroin and I was raped.

The first time I tried heroin I was raped.

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