I can't stand anything about food and I'm a stay at home mom

I just want to start off with I'm not a picky eater. I'll eat almost anything. I can't stand anything else about food. I get severely anxious when it comes to food. Buying groceries makes me lightheaded and anxious (I love to shop in general it's not that part). Cooking is physically exhausting to me, I end up having to by myself in my room and cry for a while after. I hate thinking about food and literally never think about it until I'm starving while on my break at work (I have a part time job and my "dumb luck" baby was born before my partner was supposed to graduate college). And don't even get me started on how I hate feeding my baby. I was able to breast feed until they were 4 months old. I was so stressed after every time that my milk took over a month to regulate and I never had any frozen to give my husband. <br><br>I was a single mother for the first year of my child's life (my partner was in med school in another state and I live with my parents) and my parents would feed my baby all the time so it was fine. When I moved closer to my partner and he started picking up more childcare I really started to feel like shit about not being able to feed my baby. I love my baby so much but it's just so hard when I don't want to eat at all let alone feed someone else. <br><br>I've been stressed about it since I found out I was pregnant but now my baby is 13 months old and I'm barely functionally able to feed them at all. They're entirely on formula and table food (sometimes pureed, sometimes not). I'm not even consistent about that. I just don't think about food until my baby is screaming and I don't want to screw it up. It makes me feel like a terrible mother and so guilty. I know it's because of my anxiety, and I can't rationalize it but I don't know how to function.