My wife wants to have kids... but wants to be a stay-at-home mom.
Anonymous in /c/childfree
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If I understood correctly, she wants to have kids, but doesn't want to work anymore to focus on our kids.<br><br>We've been together for about 13 years now. We are now in our mid-30's.<br><br>Currently, we both work, and have a really good time doing so. No financial stress, but still enjoy what we do and are not eager to stop working. <br><br>Just recently, she mentioned that she wants to have kids. <br><br>But when I asked her what the next steps would be, she mentioned she'd just stop working and be a stay-at-home mom.<br><br>When I asked her why she thinks she can't work and focus on our kids, she mentioned something along the lines of "if we want to have kids, one of us has to stop working to focus on our kids. Why shouldn't it be me?".<br><br>I'm not sure how to respond to this.<br><br>We've been together for 13 years, we have a great life together with a good income and no financial stress.<br><br>How am I supposed to pay for everything, when she wants to just stop earning money? <br><br>I never wanted to have kids in the first place. Why should I suddenly have to bear the entire financial burden for our family so that we can have kids?<br><br>Am I supposed to kiss my career and free time good-bye?<br><br>I tried explaining this to her, but she tells me I don't want to have kids because I'm lazy and selfish.<br><br>I've always done my part of the household chores as good as I could. Why should I be the one working and bearing the entire financial burden for our family? Why should I have to sacrifice my free time and career for her wishes? <br><br>Honestly, I would even consider having kids, if it weren't for the fact that she wants me to bear the entire financial burden and do all of the household chores on my own from then on.<br><br>That being said, I'm not sure if I'd be okay with raising a child.<br><br>What do you think?<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: she also earns significantly more than me.Quite a bit more.<br><br>She told me that if we don't have kids now, we might not be able to have a child when we get older. I told her if we can't have kids later on, we can't have kids later on.<br><br>I'd rather not have kids at all, than to have kids and become a slave in my own home.<br><br>I also offered her a compromise: I want to just adopt a child. She doesn't want this. She wants her own child. <br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: I understand that the comment section is filled with "men don't want to change diapers" or "men don't want to raise their own kids".<br><br>I would just like to add that my wife precisely told me that **_she_** wants to raise our kids and change diapers. And I'm totally fine with that.<br><br>I'm not a misogynist bastard. I'd do my part of diaper-changing and raising our kids.<br><br>What I **_don't_** want to do is to bear the entire financial burden for our family.<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: Some people keep telling me that kids are a big financial burden.<br><br>Fair enough, but what does that have to do with anything? <br><br>If we don't have kids, we'll still have the same income, no matter what. <br><br>I'm okay with raising kids, I'm okay with changing diapers, etc. <br><br>Why should I have to stop working and sacrifice my career? <br><br>I'm not going to let my wife and kids starve because I'm a bastard.<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: I'm truly sorry, if anybody thinks I've offended them.<br><br>I'm a childfree person myself.<br><br>I also know that there are a lot of men out there that don't want to raise their own kids and want their spouses to do all of the work.<br><br>That's not me, I swear.<br><br>I'm just a person, that doesn't want to have kids and be a slave in his own home.<br><br>If you're a woman and you know what it's like to be a stay-at-home mom... that's what I would face if we were to have kids. <br><br>What I don't want to be, is a slave in my own home having to do all of the work, while my wife is jobless and doesn't contribute anything to our family.<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: To clarify, when I said "jobless", I meant to say "unemployed".<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: My wife agreed to do all of the household work and raise the kids, because she doesn't want to work. That's what she told me. <br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: I didn't say I don't want to be a parent. <br><br>I said I don't want to be a slave in my own home.<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: By "raising our kids", my wife also means "doing all of the work and chores for our kids". She made that very clear. <br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: Some people in this thread accused me of being a "traditional misogynist" that doesn't want to raise kids and wants his spouse to do all of the work.<br><br>That's why I mentioned that I would do my part in raising our kids.<br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: I'd just like to point out that I never said I don't want to raise our kids. <br><br>That's what my wife said. My wife told me that she wants to raise our kids and doesn't want me to do any of the raising. <br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: My wife told me that she wants to raise the kids because she doesn't want to work. <br><br>​<br><br>EDIT: I think it's safe to say that we will not be having kids.
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