I've been in a secret relationship with my cousin for 1.5 years

I'm the girl. We're 22(M) and 20(F). I live in Europe, he lives in the US. We only see each other when he comes to visit and when I go to visit him. Sometimes, when we have to wait months to see each other, it feels like torture. But we both don't know how to tell our families, because in our minds, we (specially him) know that they might not approve. We have to wait until we're both financially independent to break the news. But right now, we're just trying to survive, so yeah.<br><br>We met at a family reunion in Europe, and we instantly connected. Having a similar personality must've helped, because we were both shy, but when we got talking, I was surprised to see how much we had in common in terms of tastes and how we see the world, and values. So we became fast friends, even if we were a bit shy at first because we hadn't seen each other in over a decade. The only time I saw him before that, was when we were kids, but we didn't interact that much then. I'm not American, but he is, and he wasn't raised by our European side of the family, he grew up in the US, not Europe, but he still comes to visit our family in Europe sometimes, so we didn't really get to talk much before. He stuck to other members of our family he's closer to, I didn't even notice him tbh lol. He's on our mom's side, and in our family, there's a big generational divide and since a lot of our cousins have moved to other countries, we don't see them often, so we have some trouble relating to them. I think he and I related so well because we have a similar sense of humor, outlook on life, and we're both way more open minded than the rest of our family.<br><br>We were both so smitten, but neither of us told the other we liked them like that. It was a little embarrassing when I noticed he was in his swimwear, and I definitely checked him out, but it didn't even occur to me to be sexually attracted to a cousin. I just didn't think about it like that. I just thought he looked hot lol. I was too socially awkward and scared to make a move, I was worried he would see me as a gross cousin hitting on him or something. But he looked at me too, I noticed. I'm pretty sure he was the first one to make a move, when he hugged me really tightly and told me he was gonna miss me and wished we lived in the same country. I didn't mention that I liked him too, I just told him I liked hanging out with him and how much I enjoyed our conversations. It was such a sweet moment, and it felt like we connected on a deeper level, but I don't know if he ever intended for it to be a flirting thing, it was a completely innocent hug.<br><br>So we both went back to our homes, and we started messaging each other, and it went from there. I guess we both already had a crush on each other from the start, and once we started being more open with each other through messaging, the conversations became more flirtatious. I didn't even expect it, but I wasn't even the one making the first move. He was the one initiating the flirting, and I was a bit shy to go along with it at first, but he said he couldn't help but think about me after we met, and I said the same, and it just escalated from there. He started sending me pictures, and once he even told me to send him nudes, but I said I wasn't comfortable doing that, so he apologised and said he shouldn't have done that. But other than that, he was super respectful. <br><br>It was so hard to keep it a secret, because I've always felt closer to my mom than to my dad in terms of being open and talking more to her, but I knew she'd be furious if she found out about my cousin, so I couldn't tell her, and my dad was still the person I went to when I needed help with something and not for venting about relationships. So I told my best friend from secondary school, and she was so happy for me. I didn't tell her we were flirting, but I told her that I was falling for him and vice versa because we both felt like we'd found our "soulmate" and we both felt the same connection, and she's always been super chill about other people's tastes, and she told me she'd support me no matter what, even if we got together. She kept my secret, and she always asked how he and I were doing, so I wasn't alone, I had her and I had him, but it was also so hard. I didn't tell anyone else, but it was a big relief to tell my friend, because I could finally talk about me and him. <br><br>It was a long distance relationship, but he travelled to my country twice after that, and we met up a few times, and we had sex together for the first time, and we've been having sex for a year now. We talk/text/call each other every day and see each other every few months. The first time we met up in my country, we were both so nervous, I was shaking like crazy, and he was a bit quiet, but he smiled a lot, and when we hugged, and we looked into each other's eyes for a long time, and we talked, and we kissed, and we did all the things we've been wanting to do, it was like a huge weight off our shoulders. I was so relieved that I could be with him and not hide it from him and feel like I could be myself. We were so happy together, we looked happy to our relatives, and we were drooling internally, and it felt like we had this special secret that we knew but nobody else knew, but at the same time, it was hard for us to keep it hidden because we wanted to share the happiness we were feeling with everybody. But we didn't. <br><br>It was hard to keep our hands off each other when we were together, it was a lot of temptation to just kiss him or hug him or hold hands, but we were good, and we didn't do it. It felt like we were 14 and in high school again, hiding our relationship from our classmates, and the drama that came with that. This is the same feeling. <br>We know this is all new to us, and we haven't figured out how to go public yet. We need each other though, and we're happy to be together, so even if it's hard, I don't regret it, I just don't know how to tell them. We keep it a secret and we're just waiting to figure it out.