A thinly thinly veiled version of the pope shits himself.

The Pope was going to be paying a holiday visit to a Latin American country. He asked his news reporter if they could sweep any news of his visit under the rug. He hated the attention and was truly just concerned with getting some fresh air and a nice tan for the holiday. <br><br>The news reporter smiled in agreement and offered to make a news announcement to throw off any paparazzi. <br><br>The news reporter approached his desk and cleared his throat loudly. Jeez, he was really clearing his throat. <br><br>“Ladies and gentlemen, a tsar from a far off land will be visiting us this holiday season. But, you won’t here it from me.” <br><br><br><br>“Umm….excuse me.” The reporter doubled over. “Excuse me.” He hit the button under his desk. <br><br>The producer barged in. “What’s going on here? Why is this man doubled over like that?”<br><br>The reporter groaned. “I think it’s the Chinese food.” He moaned. <br><br>The producer smiled. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you eat that shit before the broadcast. Shut down the studio and send for the janitor.” <br><br>“The tsar is a very interesting man,” the reporter strained. “The tsar is a very important man. The tsar is going to be……” <br><br>“What the fuck is the producer doing?! He’s…..he’s…..” The anchor was cut off. <br><br><br>The lights went out in the room. The room fell silent. The reporters hands were still on the desk. <br><br><br><br>The producer burst back in the room. “Get the hell out of here!!!!” The room shook as the sound of a whoopee cushion echoed through the room. <br><br>The lights flickered back on to reveal a brown smudge on the news desk. <br><br><br>“The tsar is a very important man,” a voice echoed from the floor. <br><br>The room was silent for a moment. One anchor laughed. And then they all couldn’t stop laughing. <br><br>The pope watched from his hotel room. Shaking his head. “Well…….there went that.” <br><br><br>The producer stormed into the room like a bull in a china shop.  “There is not one god damned thing I can do about this? We’re going to be roasted alive over this!!!”<br><br><br><br>The Pope shook his head. “I told you I didn’t want this information leaked.” He took his sunglasses off and cleaned them. “Do I need to call a higher power on you?”<br><br>“What tsar?! Who the hell is this??” The producer was fuming. <br><br>The Pope smirked and put his sunglasses back on. <br><br><br><br>“Just clean up the mess.”