The owner/Camera person asked me why I was jacking off in their store while stealing cheese. I had no response.

I got busted stealing a block of cheddar cheese, a small toy car for my son and a lighter for my bf. But at the time I did all of that, I was in the middle of my period and had a tampon in. But hours later the tampon was acting as a plug, giving me pressure and I couldn’t find a restroom to release. Next thing I know, I’m trying to sneak around the camera with a bulge in my jacket, jacking off with the block of cheese. The owner came and asked me wtf I was doing on her camera and I said nothing and she said that she had a daughter around my age and I could have asked her, even if only to use the restroom and I said I would not be able to do that with her daughter and she said well you’re doing that here and now you’re on camera doing some weird shit with cheese, so now I have to call the cops. I don’t know what she wrote on the report but the cops came and read it out loud. “27 female, darker skin, purple hair, blue eyes, black glasses, jackin off with cheese in a store.” I don’t know if I got a record but I’m gonna go to the courthouse tomorrow to check and I’m really really hoping this isn’t on my record. So I guess this is my official list of crimes that I can’t tell my grandkids about. <br><br>Edit: So I went to the court house and asked and they didn’t have any record of it. So I think I’m in the clear. But, I had to explain to them what cheese jacking means. This is the first time I’ve heard myself say “So it’s when you use cheese and a tampon as a -” and the clerk interrupted and was like “im fine, thank you”. Did I just cheese jack a court clerk? LMAO.