My husband (M40) has thrown my (F32) brother out of our house for refusing to identify as a woman.

So this whole saga began when I asked my brother to live with us after his landlord kicked him out due to him having a mental health episode and being violent towards the landlord. He wasn't taking his meds at the time. My husband and I have been together since high school. We were friends with my brother back then too which is why he made the decision to kick him out tonight.<br><br>My brother has been diagnosed with a lot of things, including bipolar, schizophrenia, borderline, sociopathy, etc. He's a bit of a jerk and used to treat me and my husband poorly. We've tried to help him multiple times. We took him in, helped him get a job, paid for therapy, etc. He would always end up burning bridges. We'd go to therapy with him and he'd make a good impression. Therapy would tell us to do XYZ and he'd make sure to do ABCD. He'd become violent. Throw things. It wasn't a good time.<br><br>We cut him off for a while knowing that he was just taking advantage of us. We saw him every couple of months. We'd invite him over for dinner. Did the bare minimum. We were expecting to cut him off for good one day when he got into trouble.<br><br>However, one day we found out that he had been living on the streets for a few months and was sleeping in various shelters. We saw him for dinner and he said he had nothing, was broke, had no money, etc. He begged us to take him in and promised that he'd do his best to try hard and be a better person. We've given him a lot of chances but decided to give him one more. We agreed to let him live with us. We told him he could have his childhood room and he would have to babysit our 2-year-old daughter every once in a while.<br><br>We did this for 2 years. He got a job. He started going to therapy. We went to a couples session with him. He went to AA. He did everything he was supposed to do. I guess this all leads to our problem right now.<br><br>My husband is partly non-binary. He had an identity crisis a couple of years ago and wrote a whole letter apologizing for harming everyone around him. It was hard to deal with and we considered couples therapy but things got better. I was patient. They took the time they needed to figure things out. I guess after almost a year they finally felt like they had figured things out and decided that they are a mix of male and female. I'm not really sure. I don't fully understand it but the short story is that they identify as both male and female. Everyone calls them male and they don't mind. It's weird but they are happy. Does that make sense?<br><br>So my brother has been living with us and he's always been a bit of a jerk. He's rude. This has been better lately but the problem has been that he has refused to call my husband anything other than he/him. He's obstinate. Anyways. My husband has always been a bit of a bitch. He's a lot like my brother in terms of how they both have been rude. Anyways, last night, after a week of arguing, my husband confronted my brother about it. He said that he has been refusing to acknowledge his identity for so long and that he needed to grow up and he needed to acknowledge him otherwise he wouldn't be able to live with us. My brother said that he has nothing and that he is a man and that he doesn't want to be called a woman. He said that he would have to stop calling my husband a man too. He said that he'd rather be homeless and it escalated. They both started yelling and my husband said that he had been patient and that he had been protesting for a week. At that point he had enough and told my brother to get out. As of tonight my brother has to leave and he doesn't know where he will go. I'm upset because I feel like he's just punishing my brother. He's not being understanding and literally just threw him out. I feel like he's kicking him out for not calling him a woman. Is this fair? I'm sorry if this is confusing. I'm not good at writing.<br><br>EDIT: I'm sorry for the delay in responses. I've been on the phone with my husband and he's not happy that I posted here. I guess he just walked out and listened to me talk and I said I wanted to post it here. He said that he is not going to let my brother back in under any circumstances. He did say that he and my brother have been arguing for a week. Apparently my brother came into the living room and turned off the TV. He put his hand over the remote and my husband asked him what he was doing. My brother was being a jerk and told him that "women don't belong in the living room". My husband said that? was basically a "fuck you" and he has been angry ever since. He basically said that if my brother wants to live with us he has to call him "they" or he won't allow it. I guess he's trying to work things out. I told him I was going to post here and it's clear that he's interested in the responses. Right now he's laying in bed waiting for me to come to bed. He's just laying there but he's really pissed off at my brother.<br><br>EDIT2: My husband just read through this thread. He's demanding that I delete it. I think he wants to post about it himself.