My husband came home from work and found me dead in the fucking bathroom. He had to tell our 4 children that their mother was dead.

I'm an American. I live in the United States where I pay more in taxes than my father did when he served in Vietnam and I can't get basic medical care. I've spent the last year begging my primary care doctor to refer me to specialist after specialist for debilitating migraines. Finally in March of this year I get a neurologist who orders a CT scan and a MRI. I get a call from the hospital telling me that there's a mass in my brain and I need to come in to see a Neurosurgeon. I come in for an emergency surgery a week later, and they tell me that they can't get it all because it's already in my brain stem, and we'll have to do chemotherapy to kill the rest. I do three rounds of chemotherapy and they tell me the tumor hasn't shrunk. I go back and forth with the neurologist over the next 2 months over when and how my next appointment will be. Finally after waiting I get an appointment yesterday to get a CT scan, and an MRI, and they tell me that the tumor has grown and that I need to go into emergency surgery again. I go home, break down crying because I'm not going to see my children graduate high school, get married, grow up into adults, etc. I go to bed and can't sleep, crying in bed for hours. I go to the bathroom at 2am, fall to the floor, and die from a mass bleeding out in my brain. My husband comes in and finds me cold on the bathroom floor, dead. The paramedics can't save me, and I'm pronounced dead at 3:45am. He has to go to my children's rooms and tell them their mother is dead. My 17 y/o daughter has multiple sclerosis, my 16 y/o son has bipolar disorder and Crohn's disease, my 14 y/o daughter has anxiety disorder and recently got into a car accident, and my 6 y/o daughter has nothing wrong with her. The only way to get any help, if you're uninsured or under-insured, is to go to the emergency room. And the only way your primary care doctor will take your condition seriously is if you show up in the emergency room, and you pray that they don't send you home. And if you're lucky enough to get admitted into the hospital, if you're lucky enough to get treatment, you'll be saddled with tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt. The United States is the only first world nation where medical care is seen as a privilege rather than a right. The United States is the only first world nation where medical care is run as a for-profit industry. If you ask an American whether it should be a right or a privilege, the majority of people will tell you it is a right, but our politicians are greedy and corrupt, and are in the pocket of the largest insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies. I am not a Democrat or Republican. I am an American, a widow, a mother, a friend. I would do anything to protect, support, help those I care about. I had to fight to get any kind of medical care at all. Most doctors tell you that there is nothing wrong with you at your first visit, when I'm telling them something is wrong with my body. When what I really need is a specialist. The ER is the only place where you can get help, accidentally. It's fucking bullshit. I fucking hate it. I would've waited years to get any kind of help for the mass in my brain had I not forced it. The free clinic in our state turned me away because I was due for a pap and hadn't gotten one in 2 years. They wouldn't help me. For migraines I've had since I was 13. They wouldn't help me with another condition I have where my skin comes off in large amounts. It's so painful and I couldn't get help. I went to the emergency room because I had a migraine and figured out I had a mass in my brain. I went to the emergency room because I had a mass in my brain and it was bleeding. I went to the emergency room with pneumonia, and they didn't give me any antibiotics. They told me that I didn't need them. It was viral. Viral doesn't require antibiotics. Antibiotics kill bacterial infections. Viral infections require anti-viral medications. They didn't give me anti-viral medications either. The next day I went back, and they did another CT scan and told me I had a pulmonary embolism. They were wrong the day before, I had a bacterial infection, and I did need antibiotics. I died on the floor, alone, scared, sad, and crying. I died in a pool of my own blood. I died scared for my children. I died crying for my children. I died looking at my phone, hoping my husband would show up. I died two hours before he woke up. I died looking at our wedding photo that I keep in the bathroom. I died looking at my wedding ring. I died thinking of my babies. I died thinking of my wedding. I died remembering the day I met my husband. I died remembering the first time we made love. I died remembering the first time we kissed. I died in peace. I died in comfort. I died surrounded by photos of my happy memories. The doctors killed me. They fucking killed me. If I had been treated fairly and as a person, I'd still be alive. I would've never died if I wasn't an American. Fuck the United States. I'm so tired and tugged out. I'm tired of America. I'm tired of Americans. I'm tired of doctors. I'm tired of the greed, and corruption that is just accepted. I'm tired of how everything is run as a for-profit industry. My husband and children are going to have to file bankruptcy because of my medical bills. It's fucking bullshit. My widow and orphaned babies are going to suffer. They're going to starve. They're going to lose our home, and our cars. The United States is a fucking shithole of greed, corruption, and selfishness. The United States has no value to people's lives, to the dignity of living. The United States is a cash grab; a modern day slavery where the corporations are the plantations and the people are the slaves. Fuck it. I'm so fucking tired.

My husband came home from work and found me dead in the fucking bathroom. He had to tell our 4 children that their mother was dead.

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