My girlfriend kept on making me feel guilty about masturbating... so I did.

Recently I have been seeing a girl, let's call her "Sarah". She's been a bit emotionally unstable in recent months and has been needing a lot more reassurance than ever.<br><br>She was a bit insecure about her body and she was feeling like I was spending too much time on my phone. She asked me things like: "Do you want me more than you want that screen?" or "Is there anything that I can do to make you want to spend more time with me?"<br><br>I have never been the type of person to watch much porn or masturbate regularly, but she still managed to convince me to quit. This was not the first time she tried to get me to quit, we've been seeing each other for a while now and she's always been persistent about getting me to stop.<br><br>I was never really that into masturbation. I guess it's because I always had the intention of quitting once I got into a relationship, so I started to set boundaries around it. I stopped watching porn, started living healthier and I started seeing a therapist... I was on the right path. And I thought I had quit.<br><br>But when Sarah kept pressuring me to "quit masturbating", I just laughed and I told her... "Sarah, you have nothing to worry about. I don't even masturbate anymore."<br><br>But then she asked me if she could check my browser history on my phone. I was a bit hesitant about it, but I let her check it because I knew there was nothing there that could make her feel uncomfortable or insecure. Sure enough, the conversation ended with her feeling better.<br><br>The next day she asked me again if she could check my browser history. Some guy from one of the Facebook groups I'm in posted a link to a YouTube video that had some nudity in it so it showed up in my browser history. We had the same conversation again, but this time she wanted me to delete the video from my watch history.<br><br>I was starting to get annoyed and I told her that I wasn't going to delete it. I told her I don't watch porn and that there's nothing to worry about. I also told her that I don't appreciate it when she's snooping in my browser history and that she's being really controlling.<br><br>But in hindsight I should have just deleted it, because the next day she asked me again if she could check my browser history. And I said no.<br><br>I think she was worried so she asked me if I was still faithful to her. I reassured her that I was still faithful to her, but it wasn't enough. She kept asking me to show her my browser history and eventually I got really annoyed.<br><br>I don't know why, but I felt like she was disrespecting me and undermining my autonomy. I felt like she was trying to tell me what I can and can't do with my own body. I didn't like the feeling of being controlled and manipulated so I got angry and I decided to do the opposite of what she wanted me to do.<br><br>I went home and I started masturbating. I started watching all kinds of porn, even the kind that I wasn't into. I felt like I was getting back at her for trying to control me. I felt like I was doing something that I shouldn't be doing, something "naughty". It felt good.<br><br>But then I started to feel bad. I was betraying Sarah's trust. I knew she was waiting for me to come over to her house and I felt guilty. I didn't know what to do.<br><br>But then I remembered what Sarah said to me. She said: "If you have nothing to hide, then there's nothing to worry about."<br><br>So I went over to her house and I told her that I had nothing to hide. I told her that I had been masturbating all day and that I had nothing to worry about. She didn't like it and she got mad at me.<br><br>I told her that I was just trying to get back at her for trying to control me and she told me that she wasn't trying to control me, she was just trying to prevent me from doing something that was bad for me.<br><br>I told her that I was an adult and that I could make my own decisions. I told her that she had no right to try to control me and that she should let me make my own decisions.<br><br>She said that she wasn't trying to control me and that she was just trying to help me. She said that she loved me and that she didn't want to see me hurt myself.<br><br>I told her that I appreciated her concern, but that I didn't need her help. I told her that I could take care of myself and that I didn't need her to tell me what to do.<br><br>She said that she understood, but that she still didn't want me to masturbate. She said that it was bad for me and that it could hurt our relationship.<br><br>I told her that I understood her concerns, but that I still wanted to masturbate. I told her that it made me feel good and that it helped me relax.<br><br>She said that she didn't want me to masturbate, but that she wouldn't stop me. She said that she loved me and that she wanted me to be happy.<br><br>I appreciated her understanding and I felt bad for getting angry at her. I realized that she was just trying to help me and that she didn't mean to control me.<br><br>I apologized for getting angry and I told her that I would try to stop masturbating. I told her that I would try to find other ways to relax and that I would try to be more considerate of her feelings.<br><br>She appreciated my apology and she said that she would try to be more understanding. She said that she loved me and that she wanted me to be happy.<br><br>I felt good after our conversation and I was glad that we could talk things through. I realized that communication is important in a relationship and that it's okay to make mistakes.<br><br>I learned that even though Sarah was trying to control me, she was doing it because she cared about me. I learned that it's okay to make mistakes and that communication is key in a relationship.<br><br>I'm going to try to be more considerate of Sarah's feelings and I'm going to try to find other ways to relax. I'm going to try to be more understanding and I'm going to try to communicate better.<br><br>I hope that our relationship will get stronger and that we will be able to work through our problems. I hope that we will be able to find a compromise and that we will be able to be happy together.<br><br>Edit: Wow, thanks for all the awards guys. I feel like I have to say some things that are missing from this post. <br><br>* We have been seeing each other for 4 years.<br>* We are sexually active.<br>* We have been having sex on a regular basis.<br>* I was not lying when I said I've stopped masturbating.<br>* I have stopped watching porn.<br>* I wasn't masturbating out of boredom or habit. I masturbated because I was angry and resentful.