My sister thought I was cute and I thought she was hot

She went up to my room, the opposite of where hers is in our house. She looked at my old LEGO sets and dolls that I never threw away and started playing with them. She was rolling them around the floor as I sat on the bed. She was laughing and rambling. Every once in a while she asked a question but didn’t let me answer it. She was reminding me of our little brother. I wanted to ask her to stop but didn’t. <br><br> I thought she was cute. She looks like a kid, not a 17 year old girl. She’s petite with short hair that’s light brown. I was 2 when she was born. I’ve always loved her. I wish I could be closer to her. I think of her as my own daughter. I want to say that it’s because we have separate friends and I work all the time and I’m tired but really it’s because I’m shy and avoidant and afraid of rejection. I don’t even tell my parents I feel this way because I don’t want them to tell me to get over it. That feels like when I was in high school and told my family I felt different than others. That’s when my mom said there’s something wrong with me. I can’t let anyone know about my insecurities or the image of myself I portray will be shot. <br><br>She went back to her room to sleep. She hasn’t been to mine in two years. Our parents are out of town for the weekend. I really wanted to hug her tonight. I wish I kissed her because it was the last chance I probably had.