I killed my dog out of spite

I want to preface this that I now fully realize this was an insane, cruel, spiteful thing to do months later. I am not proud, and have accepted that it was 100% my fault and I can not forgive myself.<br><br>After 20+ years of marriage, my husband left me for a much younger co-worker. He left abruptly without even discussing it with me. I didn't even know he was having an affair until he packed his bags and moved out. He and I weren't having sex anymore, but he never did physically cheat on me while we lived together and neither did I. I did have a close emotional friendship with a man, but he did have a gf at the time. Though we were sexually attracted to each other, we did not act on it. <br><br>It was 2 months after he moved out and his new partner/gf stayed at our old marital home with him. It was also around the time of the holidays and my ex was completely checked out of all parenting and didn't want to have anything to do with anymore. He was completely incommunicado. He eventually said he wanted a divorce but was unwilling to actually file for it. He also was unwilling to allow a legal separation but would not let us file our taxes together for benefits, so I had to file my own taxes and our kids pay their own out of pocket. <br><br>So one evening, my dad asked me to come with him for a walk and told me to just leave my husband. He said he wouldn't be telling me this as my father but he convinced me that I could do it. I asked him if he'd be willing to help me set up my own place and he agreed. He also offered me money, but I refused. My plan was to get an apartment and other job and move out and then file for the divorce myself.<br><br>Then my ex called me while my dad was still there. He said he wanted to see our daughter and take her to his parents house for Christmas (typically we would all go together). I told him no. I said "the last time you saw her, you didn't call/text her for 2 months. If you want to see her, you can come here." Then he said that I was "and some fucking bitch I don't know" were trying to control him and if he wanted to see our daughter he would come to my house and talk to me face to face. That set me off. I called him a piece of shit and he hung up. <br><br>That later led to a text message from him of "you can't fucking control me".<br><br>Then hours later, he showed up at my house angrily and said that I couldn't tell him he couldn't see his daughter and that I was being controlling. That was also the first time he met my dad's dog, Max. We had taken Max in for a few nights while my dad was on vacation. So when my ex showed up at my house and wouldn't leave, I got angry. So I took Max in my room and shut the door. Then my ex said he was going to call the police if I didn't open the door. I said I wouldn't and so he called them. Then I heard my daughter call my name from her bedroom and I came out to find my ex pushing his way into her room (something he had NEVER done before). He yanked her out of her bed and put her in his car against her will (she was begging him not to make her go). She was also in her pajamas. <br><br>Once he left, that's when everything went black for me. I came to and took my xanax and max's xanax (I did not have a prescription for them) and took the entire bottle. Then I called my mom (not my dad) and she called 911. I was taken to the hospital for 2 days and was not allowed to have visitors. Then I came home and found that my mom had bought my ex a new tv and car accessories. She also allowed him in my house while I was away and he stole all my jewelry. Then I found out he also stole my dad's dog because my mom allowed him in the house while I was still in the hospital. <br><br>My ex never brought Max back. He gave him away to his new wife's cousin, who lived out of town (small town, everyone knows each other and my family and his new wife's family are well connected). This person re-homed max to another person who did not have a fenced in yard. One week I went to his new owner's house and they said they haven't seen him in 2 days. I searched for him but his microchip was not connected to me. We heard later that he was found on the road and taken to the pound and euthanized. <br><br>I blocked my ex on social media but my mom allowed him in my house while I was away when my cousin stayed with us and she posted about my house on fb without me knowing. Then she took a photo of my ex in my house with my cousin and posted it and tagged him in it and I got notified because we still had mutual friends. I unblocked him and his new wife and saw that my ex was still active on fb. Then I saw his new wife was active on instagram. I found that they were using a lot of my jewelry and my ex's step mom was wearing a ring of mine from my dad and her husband was wearing my ex-husband's Rolex (a gift from me) in photos. So I hired a hacker and got into my ex-wife's instagram and deleted her entire account.<br><br>And when I thought this day couldn't get any worse, I got a call from my ex that his new wife had a miscarriage and she was blaming me for it. Then my ex told me I was "evil" and he was going to get a restraining order against me for "ruining his life and getting his dog killed". <br><br>So I hired a lawyer (who my ex also ended up using at one point) and she helped me file for divorce. He ended up filing a countersuit to not pay child support (he claimed we should be responsible for our kids bc they were over 18 but that was a lie). Then his lawyer (my lawyer) accidentally showed me a message from my ex saying that the hacker was someone who would be willing to do anything for money (I'm sure he meant to send it to his lawyer, not me). So I hired the hacker again and got into his phone and location. I used it to find his new wife's phone and location. So I hired the hacker again to hack his new wife's phone and was able to get into her phone, text messages, and gps location. Then I saw she was where my ex said she was. So I drove to her location (though she had no idea I was coming - she didn't tell me where she was) and I snuck into her condo without anyone knowing and stole her jewelry. <br><br>That night I got a call from my ex asking me why I had been in his wife's condo. I told him I had not been there. He asked me again and I said no. Then he said "ok so you weren't there, so I guess you won't mind if I call the police and report a break in?" I said that was fine. Then he asked me again and I said no, I wasn't there. Then he said if I was lying and it was me, then he was going to make sure that I knew he had grown up and was not going to let things slide. I told him "don't threaten me" and he said "this isn't a threat". I hung up. <br><br>Then the next day I got a call from my mom saying that the police were at her house (where I was staying with my kids) and that they had a search warrant for my car. Then my ex sent me a text message with a photo of my car with my license plate circled with a red marker. I deleted it and texted him "I'm so sorry for your loss". He wrote back "I'm going to make sure you pay for this".