F*cking hell

It’s been 2 years since my dad died. He was a great guy all in all, always tried to do the right thing. <br><br>I found his will a week after he died and I was immediately struck by the things he left me, and the words he wrote to me. <br><br>First, the money. He left me £200,000. That’s a shitload of money to a 17 year old, and it allowed me to stop worrying about my future, to not care about what I did at college etc,. It was enough to pay for university and have plenty left over to live well. <br><br>The second thing he left me was the house. <br><br>The third thing, and what this is really about, was a piece of paper with words typed on it. <br><br>“Dear Josh. <br><br>F\*cking hell. I’m sorry mate. <br><br>Your mum died of the cancer, not that car crash. I had her cremated the day before I told you about the accident. I lied to you, your sister and everyone else about it. I wasn’t going to, but when I saw you smiling and taking those pictures of her the summer before she died my heart broke. <br><br>I knew she wasn’t going to survive and that she wouldn’t want to go through the bad times. The doctors told her that the chemo would have next to no effect anyway, so once the pain really set in she stopped. I gave her a pill and she died in her sleep in our bed (I had her cremated in her wedding dress. I know she’d want that). <br><br>I know you’re going to hate me for this. I don’t care. I would do it again in a second. <br><br>You spent almost a year with a smile on your face, something you would have missed out on, something I would have missed and your grandparents and everyone else missed out on. Your mum spent almost a year not in pain. She could go outside, see the flowers. She left pictures of her being happy, and you have happy memories of her. <br><br>I’m sorry Josh, I really am. But you need to move on with your life. You have my car keys, you have the house, you have the money. <br><br>You don’t need my forgiveness anymore. <br><br>Bye. <br><br>Dad.” <br><br>I cried. Then I laughed. He didn’t need my forgiveness anymore. I probably would have needed his. <br><br>It took me a few months to get over it, for me to understand his reasoning. I’m 19 now, I’m in uni. I’m living with my girlfriend. I’m happy. <br><br>And I’ll never forget that f\*cking hell.