My husband, 38, is having problems with diminished fertility, but he wants me, 36, to try again

My husband, 38, and I, 36, have two children, 3 and 2. Our first was born with a lot of problems (a rare genetic condition) and our second was premature and required NICU. We are done with children and both of us have asked our doctors if another pregnancy will put undue stress on our health, and both have said yes. Our doctors have recommended that we do not have any more children. <br> <br> <br>We try for just one kid, but it seems like the stress of having multiples is coming with all the risks of having multiples, even though there is only one baby. We gave birth to our first at 24 weeks, and our second at 29 weeks. From what I understand 24 weeks is the bare minimum for survival, and 29 weeks is a “safe” time in general. But both births were traumatic and dangerous. And the NICU stays that followed were hellish. <br> <br> <br>I am talking with my husband about permanent birth control. I do not know if we can handle another traumatic birth. Given that our last two were so dangerous, it seems like another pregnancy could kill me. I’d like to explore permanent options with my OB. <br> <br> <br>My husband is on board with me not having more children, but is very unhappy with the idea of me permanently not being able to carry. He says that he wants to “try again”. That he’s not ready to be done with the idea of having more children. But I don’t know if I can take the risk of even trying. Every time I’ve been pregnant it’s been a terribly high risk. I do not want to take that risk again. But he feels like he is “missing out” on more children. He doesn’t want to permanently close the door on another child. And he’s worried that we’re giving up on our dream of a big family. <br> <br> <br>My husband had low sperm count and motility. The doctor has said we need to try to conceive sooner, rather than later, and to just keep trying. Our last child took 3 years to conceive. I don’t know if I can take that risk again. My husband is pushing to try again, and I’m starting to feel like I’m being selfish to say no. I know I’m putting my life at risk, but he wants to “try again”. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to conceive (he just had a sperm analysis and is working with a doctor to improve his fertility), and I am not ready for that level of commitment.